Chocolate Cocks Anyone?

At a bachelorette party in CT and I'm the only sistuh, but they made
sure I was represented!!

Screamed on Hubby!!! Need Your Insight!!!

HOLY SHIT!!! Poor hubby had no idea what hit him!! Here's what happened...

I joined forces with this website to get some yummy products and will be reviewing for you all shortly. Anyway, I got my first delivery in the mail yesterday. I was running around all day and my mother was coming over to watch the kids, so I asked him to please put the box in our room. Whenever I order toys I use a funny name so hubby knows not to touch the box, right? We've had several jokes about it, this way he knew right away what "kind" of package was inside. Anyway, I go about my business for the day, and when I bring mom home I notice the box is open by the trash can, and I silently freak out. FUCK!!!! Hubby is asleep and I have to leave for a birthday party so my rant has to wait several hours.

When I'm finally on my way home at 1am, I call him at work breaking, "Why did you open MY box?!?!" He's all, "Isn't that what you wanted me to do?" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I reminded him of our conversation and then screamed, "I NEVER OPEN YOUR BOXES....EVER!!!!" I asked how did he know it wasn't a surprise inside or something? And I couldn't stop yelling how I never open his packages no matter what they are: car parts, work out equipment, sneakers, toys, etc. Then he starts yelling back that next time I ask him to move something he'll "just fucking leave it sitting there for mom or kids or whoever to find it and open it". I yelled, "Unlike you, my mother wouldn't fucking open MY MAIL!!!!" Oh, poor thing couldn't understand for the life of him why I got so bent out of shape after wanting him to be more involved sexually.

I felt almost violated. That he had robbed me of that joy of first opening a present and seeing what's inside. Not to mention, I didn't know what was going to be on the packing slip, and I had reason for concern since they wrote "review for black.pearl36d" on it!!! FUCK!!!!!!! Not to mention that he wanted to know if I used one of my coupons in "our" drawer and I said no, because this was from a new website, to which he replied, "oh, that explains why I didn't recognize anything on the receipt!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!??! I tried doing a google search on myself and thankfully only bras came up. Hopefully, he won't do any real searching to see the what and where of my purchases.

All of this box confusion prompts the huge question: What if he finds out? Lordy lord lord!!

Did I overreact? How would you guys feel in the same situation? Thoughts...PLEASE!!

HNT FAT

NEED TO LOVE FIVE MORE FUCKING POUNDS

(AND THEN ANOTHER FIVE MORE FUCKING POUNDS)

ISN'T IT WORSE SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE 10 POUNDS??!?!

FIVE AND FIVE SEEMS SO MUCH EASIER!!

HAPPY HNT!!!

100 FOLLOWERS: YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY FUCKING LIKE ME!!!

Sometimes I feel no love but today I feel the love of

100 FREAKY SNEAKY NASTY FOLLOWERS!!!!

Thank you all for always cumming through,

I hope I've given you plenty to think about,

masturbate over, laugh out loud from,

cry in frustration with, and just plain enjoy!

To my faithful crew:

YOU ARE THE BESTEST!!

I love all the support you've given me from the very beginning!!

To all my newbies:

I hope you keep cumming back...

again, and again, and again!!

Oh, yeah, as your phine ass reward and cuz a filthy girl always keeps her promises,

here's that wedding pic of me I promised...

Vacations almost over...with Bonus HNT

I've had a full week off from work and what do I have to show for it? Hm? I figured I would have gotten a shitload of blogging done, but alas I had spring cleaning to do that took up the first 3 days of my break. Then the past 4 days have been a world wind of kiddie play dates, errands, taking care of mom (foot surgery - she's fine), new Mac set up (yup, I'm blogging on my new Mac that is taking quite some getting use to), filing, wedding, grown up play dates with girlfriends...and so on and so on...

Now with 2 days left of my vacation I felt compelled to take a break from swapping the winter clothes to spring/summer clothes...yes, less clothes means I have to really get on my weight loss gain grind. I wanted to give you guys a little sneak peek at what I'm working with. Hubby and I went to a wedding this weekend and it was ghetto fabulous! I've never seen so much fake everything in my life!! Fake hair, fake boobs, fake eyelashes, OH MY!! I spent 4 hours picking out a dress that would make me look "not fat", I almost had a nervous breakdown in the dressing room because I'm between sizes and nothing fit properly, then i show up to the wedding and I totally could have showed up in a burlap sack!

I looked fucking amazing compared to the hot ass mess that was walking around this fine catering hall. Why is it that women don't realize there are clothes restrictions when you reach certain sizes?!?! Now I have nothing against big girls, IF you know how to work what you got, y'all know what I mean. My aunt is a big girl and she looks good in everything she wears, because she gets it to fit, and what she picks fits who she is. Anyway, there were some size 20+ chicks at this wedding in size 2 dresses and it was not a good look at all! After taking some pics I turned to hubby and said, "There is something very specific that I need you to say about how I look tonight". Without skipping a beat or pausing, he said, "Babe, you are the best, baddest, and hottest chick in this entire place, and that includes the bride!" The BRIDE, how in the hell does anyone show up to a wedding and look better than the fucking bride!! She was queen hot mess! Now I have three tattoos, but I feel that there's a time and a place to show them off. This chick had huge tattoos on both of her arms, and so did each of her bridesmaids, and I overheard several women in the ladies room talking about how in poor taste it was to pick dresses that accentuated them...wow!!

It was even more funny listening to hubby's friend (a plus size chick in a petite mini dress that did not hide her three stomachs) talk about how ghetto SHE thought the wedding was, now that's irony for you! Anyway, I have some special pics of my very, very, very sexy stilettos that I wore just for hubby (even though he had to go to work after the wedding, the image of me in these shoes will forever taunt him every time he closes his eyes.

Are you ready?

These are now the highest pair of heels for outside the house!!

Are you sure you want to see them?

I promise to post pics of me in the hot little black cocktail dress later today, I promise.

Am I stalling?

Nah, here ya go!

Well, whaddaya think??