"Oh, Santa! I thought I was supposed to be the naughty one!!"



The Freak In Me Is Dying to Get Fucked!!! Happy HNT!!

Damn, I really want some rough sex! And this song came to mind. When this song came out I was in college and at the height of my freakiness! I was just fucking dudes and tossing them when I was finished with them. I had a bit of a reputation for not playing around in the bedroom, guys used to say, "If you don't know how to put it, don't even bother fucking with her cuz she WILL kick you out her bed!!"

Sigh...I miss those days!


Rori's 12 [Naughty] Days of Christmas 2010!

Rori is the fucking shit!! Take a naughty peek at what she's got going on her filthy list (so mad she beat me to the idea LOL, love ya Rori!)

Just to give you a hint at what going on Between My Sheets, here are the days we've seen so far (and just an FYI a certain someone {ME} is featured on some of this naughty list:

You'll have to check with Rori for the rest of the list!! Try to guess which ones I'm on ;-)


Holy Hot Shit Review!!!

I have been neglecting some of my filthy blogger duties, my apologies! It's been a rough few weeks with the coochinator! She is seriously out of commission, but that didn't stop me from testing this bad boy out!
Isn't it fucking cute with its purple self?! Listen to me when I tell you that this G-Rock Pleasurizer has its name for a fucking reason: It will pleasurize the shit out of your clit and your g-spot.

First of all, it fits like a glove - slides right on in. The silicone is so soft and supple it feels like real skin. I decided to do exactly what The Adult Toy Shoppe suggested: "This vibe can be worn around the house while doing your chores, or before intercourse for a sweet preparation!"
HOW SWEET IT IS HONEY! I barely made it the six feet from my bedroom to the kitchen before I had to hold on to the washing machine for the first orgasm. (Thankfully kiddies were playing unbeknownst in the living room) Then I "tried" to sweep up the kitchen, who told me to be so bold?! I don't know if it was the friction of having my thighs working it or its sweet quiet motor humming along inside me that sent me running back to my room to lie down for a minute and enjoy that "sweet prepartion"!

I had about 3 lovely afternoon gasms that were just delightful. With the holidays coming up, I suggest you either treat yourself to this one or your someone you want to see squish and squirm.


Happy HNT: Who Needs Cup Holders?!

And that's real juice chilling in that cup, I'll have you know!!

Head Talk Made Me Junglistically Horny

I got to comment 21 and nearly creamed myself! Yowza! All that talk about liquid fire, swallowing, lubrication and flashbacks of my tongue ring days had me rubbing hubby's dick every time the kids turned their heads. "Go clean up!" I urged the second he finished his last bite of dinner.

Within 15 minutes he was ushering me upstairs while he kids had dessert and story time. It seemed that the door was locked and his dick was in my mouth all in the same second. I pulled back just quick enough to mumble, "You better cum fast before they come a knockin". He shoved his junk in to shut me up and his left hand held my head firmly in place while his right hand pinched my nipples.

He was so deliciously rough. I gagged to the point of near vomit and he shuddered with delight. My lips were getting bruised from the steady thrusting he did to my face. I moaned each time his tip hit the back of my throat. There was saliva running down my hand, arm, and jeans. With his fingers tangling my hair to a knotty mess I could feel he was close. I allowed my tongue to run the length of his shaft and I relaxed my throat and took him as far as I could go. He lifted off on to his tiptoes as my nostrils were met with his still shower wet pubes, and that yummy delicious molten lava of jizz floated down my throat.

Lick my lips. Yummy. Pulled up his pajama bottoms just as my toddler called out for us! Timing is everything when you've got kids, right?


Is Swallowing a Necessary Evil?

Hello? Y'all know I'm not talking about me! I love to swallow, MmMm tasty!! I love to feel that hot cum trickle down the back of my throat threatening to make me gag as I choke on the last drop and lick my lips, "Thank you, may I have some more, please?"

Alas, this isn't about me, had to bring it back, whew! Anywhore, I was hanging with some of my girlfriends today when one of them admitted that she has never, ever, ever swallowed in all of your 33 years of life. Jokingly, I replied, "Well, maybe that's why your ass hasn't found the right man!"

This then prompted a 20 minute discussion about how many of us enjoy it (some on a more selective vain), the benefits of swallowing (nutrients and whatnot), the fact that none of us allow facials (nope sorry, respect the face!), and then the question came up: Is it really that important?

Personally, all the dicks I've sucked loved having me swallow their liquid fire, plus it helps that I'm extremely good at it. Plus, any guy I've ever taken the time to ask if they wanted me to swallow, the response was usually, "Um, yeah" followed by a firm palm to the back of my head and pressure to open wide. I jest. But seriously, my girl wanted me to put the question out there:

Fellas: Do you want your woman to swallow? Is there a difference in the feeling of being swallowed and popping off on, say, some tits? Is it a deal breaker? Does it influence your decision to commit to the relationship?

Ladies, you too! Thoughts? Do you swallow? Do you enjoy it? Do you do it just please your man or do you get satisfaction from doing it yourself?


Nocturnal Chat #19

Halloween Fuckery

Imagine this Halloween night that my full mooned ass was ripe and ready for picking. Dressed in bright pumpkin orange pushup bra and thong panties with thigh highs to match. Around my neck, the Pussy Cape of Titillation .

Body covered from head to toe in baby oil, I set out to do my kind of trick or treating at the stroke of midnight, My goody bag full of tricks: double headed dildo, anal lube, clit stimulator, rubber gloves, nipple clamps, butt plugs, and the like.

The first house, " Trick or Treat!"
Naughty housewife replied, "Trick".

I got down on all fours for her and let her dip in the bag of debauchery. She pulled out the anal lube and rubber gloves. For 10 minutes she worked her fingers deep into my sweet hole until I cream her plush velvet carpet. Husband walked in and said, "Nice Trick, but I want my wife's treats".

The second house, "Trick or Treat!"
Dirty old man, "Treat".

He puts on some 70s jazz, drops his drawers and jerks himself off while I dance for him. His geriatric hands alternating between rubbing my girlie parts and pulling ever so hard on his wizened penis. As he sighs and cums on my tits, he says, "What a lovely treat."

The third house, "Trick or Treat!"
Filthy college frat boy with four of his friends, "How about a bit of both?"

These fine young men educated in all the ways of adulterous behavior dumped the remaining contents of my goody bag onto the center of the floor. Handcuffs and blindfold emerged. Hands tied, feet harnessed to bed posts, and eyes shielded from sin, I was taken on sexual journey of a freaky and unusual nature. Each of my holes were explored and terrorized by dicks, dildos, fingers, lips, plugs, tongues, beer bottles, and food of an assorted variety. I came, I cried, I laughed, I gagged, and I came some more.

Hours, days and nights no longer had meaning. At one point there were two dicks in my ass hole, one in my pussy and the other in my mouth. It was euphoric. They each moved to the beat of my pulsating pussy drums. My hair was yanked. My ass was slapped swollen. My nipples permanently erect from the pinching.

While I wanted them to stop, I didn't want the pleasure pain to end. I was raw, spent, and dripping with cum all over when the last frat boy dropped his load all over my said, "Thanks Mrs. P, can't wait to do this again next year!"






And now, your 2010 Top 100 Sex Bloggers!

  1. (Please see this post)
  2. TBK from The Beautiful Kind
  3. Iona and James from SapioSlut
  4. Quizzical Pussy from Quizzical Pussy
  5. Sadie from Sexie Sadie’s Stories of Seduction
  6. Vixen from Secrets of a Blue-Eyed Vixen
  7. Adrian Colesberry from Adrian’s Blog
  8. EA from Easily Aroused
  9. Guy New York from Quickies in New York
  10. Joan from Better Than I Ever Expected: Sex and Aging
  11. 25 Things from 25 Things About My Sexuality
  12. AAG from AAG Blog
  13. Bad, Bad Girl from BBG Blog
  14. Holden from Packing Vocals
  15. The blogging team at Sex is Fun
  16. Elle from Kink Unleashed
  17. Rachel from Rabbit Write
  18. Clarisse Thorn from Pro-Sex Outreach, Open-Minded Feminism
  19. littlegirlyone from littlegirlyland
  20. Remittance Girl from Remittance Girl
  21. Mistress Arabella from Bombshells & Rockstars
  22. Axe from Unspeakable Axe
  23. Coke Talk from Dear Coke Talk
  24. Jack from Writing Dirty
  25. Kayar Silkenvoice from Silken on Sex
  26. The blogging team at Gentle Nibbles
  27. Sinclair Sexsmith from Sugarbutch Chronicles

  28. Lilly from This Could Be Dangerous…
  29. Kit from Blogging Dangerously
  30. Mistress Lilyana from Mistress Lilyana
  31. TitsMcScandal from The Blogging Slave
  32. suggestivetongue from suggestivetongue
  33. Library Vixen from Library Vixen
  34. Oatmeal Girl from Submission & Metaphor
  35. Riff Dog from Ashley and Me
  36. Rockin’ with a Cock In from Light Switch
  37. Dick and Jane from Dick-n-Jane
  38. Shasta from Stiletto Diaries
  39. Athol Kay from Married Man Sex Life
  40. Padme and Anakin from Journey to the Darkside
  41. PrettyPowerTools from Pretty Power Tools
  42. Dark Gracie from Gracie’s Playground
  43. Mollena from The Perverted Negress
  44. The blogging team at Sex in the Public Square
  45. The blogging team at Pop My Cherry Review
  46. Emma and Maymay from Kink on Tap
  47. Dave from Glimpses of Dave
  48. Jake from Facts and Friction
  49. Sylvanus and Mina from At Longing’s End
  50. Lucy from Sexy Blogtime
  51. Ms. Naughty from Ms. Naughty Porn for Women Blog
  52. Wendy Blackheart from Heart Full of Black
  53. Cin from Seeing My Own Reflection
  54. Holly from The Pervocracy
  55. Lady Pandorah from Lady Pandorah’s Sanctuary
  56. Olga Wolstenholme at Cuntlove
  57. Jiz Lee from Jiz Lee
  58. Aubrey from Vagina Drum
  59. Black Pearl from The Filthy Ramblings of a Dirty Girl on Lock (THAT'S ME BABY!!)
  60. Dallas from Naughty Americans
  61. Jerry Jones from Little Submissions
  62. Sir Zoomer from Vanilla-Xtract
  63. Chantelle from Chantelle Austin International
  64. Gloria from Gloria’s Oversexed Mind
  65. Insatiable Desire from Insatiable Desire
  66. Spring Flower from A Girl’s Gotta Have Options
  67. Epiphora from Hey Epiphora
  68. Wilhemina from Heartbreak Nymphomania
  69. Erin from Let’s Eat Cake
  70. Autumn from The First Day of Autumn
  71. Kyle from Butchtastic
  72. Cheeky Minx from Love Hate Sex Cake
  73. Diva from Debauched Domestic Diva
  74. Scarlet Lotus St. Syr from Purveyor of Pleasure and Wanton Lotus
  75. Janie from A Hundred Ways to be Perverse in the Library
  76. The Secret Slut from The Secretive Slut
  77. Curvaceous Dee from Curvaceous Dee
  78. Jefferson from One Life, Take Two
  79. Kris from Phone Courtesan and Experience Kris
  80. Lila from ¡Qué sinvergüenza!
  81. Essin’ Em from Essin’ Em
  82. Shon Richards from Erotiterrorist
  83. Violet Blue from Tiny Nibbles
  84. Evey from Voyeur on Display
  85. Miss Mia from Things You Can’t Ask Mom
  86. Coy Pink from No Need to be Coy
  87. Mistress Matisse from Mistress Matisse’s Journal
  88. Audacia Ray from Waking Vixen
  89. That Toy Chick from Desk Full of Dildos
  90. Britni from Oh My God, That Britni’s Shameless
  91. SSS and ♀ from Sweat Shop Sissy
  92. Ferns from Domme Chronicles
  93. Jerome Nichols from Let’s Talk About Sex
  94. Dreamwalker from Dreamwalker Sadistic Poet
  95. Dr. Petra from Dr. Petra Boynton’s Blog
  96. Viemoira from Cavern of the Beast
  97. Shirley from Reptillian Prostitute
  98. Carrie Ann from A View from the Floor
  99. Sophia St. James from Sophia St. James XXX
  100. YOU! As always that last person on the list is you. Please, please, please leave a comment below promoting your own blog (or the blog of someone you love). Links are welcome, as long as they lead us to a sex-related blog, not a retail website or porn aggregation site.

Fucking Orange Juice!

Question: What is/was the most ridiculous fight you and your mate, spouse, lover ever had?

I originally thought ours was about fucking bread, but I was sadly mistaken when my husband this weekend tried to win a prize for world's most fucked up thing to fight about. You all have heard me lament about hubby's fucked up childhood. Well, it reared its nasty ass head on Saturday when he came home and announced that the children shouldn't be allowed to have fucking ORANGE JUICE!!


Evidently when growing up orange juice was a luxury only meant for the grownups, and with the way it costs these days, he feels that the kids should find something else to drink that the orange juice should be for him and him alone. .

I was not raised in such a household, if it wasn't junk we were allowed to have it. Especially if it was good for us. Mind you, my 10 year old maybe drinks a glass a day, while neanderthal drinks about 3-4 glasses a day. He wants to blame her for us not ever having it in the house?? Right!

I tried to diffuse the situation by stating that when it goes on sales, I'll make sure to buy more...do you think that would end the argument?? NOOOOOOOOooooooooo!! Now the argument turned into I have no respect for him as a man, and everything has to be my way. Um, how does my wanting my kids to be able to drink fucking OJ a sign of disrespect for him????

I hate that we are doing so well in so many other ways, but he remains a fucking bully and tyrant over the dumbest shit and I have his fucked up parents to thank!!!

Vent over.


Question of the Day:

What's the most random object you've put in any of your orifices?

My answers, snicker, snicker:

  1. water bottle
  2. banana
  3. sharpie
  4. brush handle
  5. lotion bottle
  6. pill fob
  7. Guy's big toe
I'm sure I'm forgetting some, how about you?


Does the Curtains Match the Drapes??

I've decided to grow out the perm in my hair and go au natural! I haven't see my natural hair for 21 years and have no idea what I'm in for.

My lovely pubies are long, salt and pepper, and super straight. If the hair on my head turns out to be the same, I'm going to be fucking pissed that I waisted so many years and fucking money on perming it to get it straight!!

What I wanted to know is: does the hair on your head match the hair between your legs? Do tell, please!!


Happy HNT: Buns Of Fun!!


Nocturnal Chat #18

Cum On My Boots

I hear his car pull up in the driveway and set my stage. Black velvet teddy peeking underneath sheet. Never worn before boots tangled haphazardly between sheets. Hand propped conspicuously over one eye, and as the keys turn in the front door, my eyes close to feign sleep. I hear him greet the dog, drop his belongings, and make his way towards the bedroom. He makes a quick stop to check on the baby and I sneak a peek as he closes the baby room door. Standing at our bedroom threshold I hear his intake of breath, "Damn," he whispers.

I feel him pass me to his side of the room and hear him shuffle through his porn drawer. "Mm hm," is the soft murmur of his selected piece. He picks the remote off the bed and sets up some background entertainment. He passes me again as he makes his way to the bathroom and turns on the shower. I'm thinking: Thank God, cuz after a double shift and I'm all dolled up, I want a fresh man! (Terrible, I know).

Once he's out of the shower, I hear him come in and close our bedroom door. Next he's sliding into bed beside me and his hands find a breast and part my legs open. His lips and his tongue are causing electric shock waves up my back and neck, while his hands and fingers moisten my thighs and harden my nipples.

I'm floating on this unbelievable current of ecstasy when he pulls me towards him and kisses me. Moans escape my lips as his find mine. My hand reaches down and pulls his dick out of my favorite pair of sexy tight briefs. His tip is already dripping with anticipation. I make a decision but before I can act on it, he's already lowering my head to rest between his legs. Must be psychic. I drink in his head slowly followed by his shaft.

He wants none of the delicacies and rams his full length down my throat. I feel myself gagging and moan at the mere thought of swallowing my man whole. This excites him and now I can feel three and then four of his fingers thrust inside my walls. The tidal of fem juice to follow arches my back and I grab his balls for further intensity. "Easy baby," he coaches me back a bit but keeps his fingers dancing in me. He caresses my face and neck as I lick him from tip to nut, suck, repeat. He grabs the back of my head in agreement and I give him what I know he wants. Deeper and deeper I take him until his pubic hairs tickle my nose and his shudders of pleasure rolls my eyes to the back of my crown.

"Come with me," he says as he pulls me off the bed, pausing to look me up and down. "Damn". I follow him out of our bedroom, through the hallway, past the confused dog in the dining room where he sits me on the stairs facing him. He opens my legs and fingers me while pulling my mouth back to his hot spot. Now with seated leverage and the use of both my hands, I grab one of his ass cheeks, give a firm grip to his shaft, and proceed to suck on my delicious caramel lollipop.

Just when I feel him tense under my grasp, he roughly turns me over and slams his dick so far into my cunt I scream on contact. The velocity to which he is fucking me has me burning my elbows, slamming my head, and breaking a nail or two on our staircase. Tears of pleasure pain run down my face with each thrust. His right hand runs up the length of my ass and back and then grips my throat as he twists me up toward him for a barely breathable kiss.

The lack of oxygen has me cumming in ways I had never felt before, I manage a weak, "M-more...d-don't s-stop..." He obliges me for what feels like an eternity and then abruptly he stops. My body, not comprehending what has happened, is still thrusting to meet him in vain agony. He walks up past me on the stairs and reaches for my hand. "We're not done yet, I promise," he pulls me upstairs into the office.

I kneel before him to worship his dick some more while he rubs and flicks and pinches my clit. I'm almost blind from my euphoria. I can feel hot liquid cascading down my legs and pooling just past my ankles inside the boots. In the far recess of my mind, I'm thinking: Shit, I just ruined these bitches...but somehow I don't fucking care. I feel a finger tentatively probing my third eye and I hold my breath as the sweet sensation of being violated hits me. I slam my mouth down hard over his entire length suffocating in the fold of his leg and thigh. His hand holds me there as I gag and convulse against him.

"No, baby, no! Not yet!" In one motion he has pulled me up and on top of him. I'm riding him and trying to catch some semblance of breath. "Breathe, baby, I don't want you passing out, breathe." He slows the stroke down but the intensity of my clit rubbing against his shaft has caught what was left of my breath and I'm cumming harder than I've cum in a looooooooooooonnnnnnnnggggggg time.

His hands clasp my ass and I sink my teeth into his shoulder with an animal strength I didn't know I had. I taste blood but can't stop myself because he's screaming and cumming, and I'm cumming and cumming and cumming. I nearly black out with his final shudder but he yanks my head up and screams, "BREATHE NOW!!" It's as if I had forgotten, in racking, raspy billows I find my breath again. The two of us sputtering and shaking until normalcy reclaimed us.

He drew small circles on my back while I kissed and inspected his badly bruised and bitten shoulder. After a few minutes like this I sat up, looked down and sadly proclaimed, "Damn, baby, I've got cum all over my boots!"

"I love you too, honey."


What I Texted for His Ride Home...

Hoping to have these brand new boots up in the air tonight right around 2am!

And yes, that is velvet with 2 little velvet balls hanging down to my crotch! ;-0

I had a rough week this week, had a fight with the hubby, got grossly sick, took my daughter school shopping (those of you who have kids knows what I'm talking about - it starts off sweet and by the end of the day you're ready to rip your eyelids off with oyster forks) and that's where these boots came in.

I've been lusting after them for about 2 weeks now. They're a whopping $135, but dammit I deserved them. My legs were crying, no begging, me for some thigh high boots for years. Hubby tried to buy me a pair once that were a latex vinyl nightmare. Other times any time I've tried on a pair they always looked like pirate hooker boots. (not that there's anything wrong with that). I just wanted hooker boots that I could wear to bed and when we go out and I want to look sexy!
These beauties look great on my bare legs, jeggings, tights, or skinny jeans! I'm in fucking heaven wearing them as I blog right now. The material is like a nubuck, and it fits my thighs just right. I'm too sexy!! Dammit I feel so hot right now!

Hubby doesn't get off from work until midnight, which means he should be home by 1:30 at the latest. He better fucking take care of business tonight! I showered, shaved, and lotioned up real nice!

Lick my pussy, I'm ready!!


Happy HNT

Little bit of tit-itude goes a long, long way!


Happy Sexy Birthday to ME!!! (Updated with photos)

Hubby and I went away for 3 days to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary at a lovely bed and breakfast. The only thing I told him I wanted after his long list of demands for what kind of B&B he wanted was to get fucked on the wrap around deck that he had to have. I fell in love with the bathroom, and made myself good and horny every time I went in there to shower. There was a mirror across from the shower so that I could watch myself as I lathered up, and a huge mirror behind the door that I could see not only me but the window behind me (the thought that someone else could be watching...shiver. Anyhoo... Long story short, we did have a wonderful time on our trip but alas, he did not, could not, would not fuck me on the deck.

Don't get me wrong, we had unbelievable sex four times on this little getaway, which for him is a lot. He let me suck his dick and fuck me with the deck blinds wide open and I did get him to fuck me royally from behind in front of that bathroom window you see in the pic above, a huge step for him and my bff tells me to just be happy, but I can't let it go. Am I being a bitch? Probably.

Here's the scenario that ruined it for me not-so briefly:
We had one special night out where I got all dolled up and after he made a joke about it, I even went out without any panties on. Of course, he made no under the table play, which was the first thing to annoy me. I mean why temp me to go pantyless and then don't do anything about it, huh?

Then we get back to the B&B after a scrumptious dinner and drinks to be met with chilled champagne that we had on the wrap around deck, in the dark, me in the dress still with no drawers on, the stars and ocean as our scenario, no one around, and still no play? Could I have jumped him? SURE, but I want him to come out of his sexual shell, so I waited.

We go back inside, I put on the sexy bustier that he bought for me, put it on under the fluffy robe they gave us, because he really wanted to watch a movie, and since it was "our" anniversary getaway, I felt I "had" to let him do some things that he wanted. Well, his ass fell the fuck asleep!!! When I copped an attitude, turned off the tv, got under the covers and removed the robe, he wakes up to say: "sorry babe, but you know the food, the fresh salt air, the alcohol, I'm so tired...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz". I pretty much fumed until I fell asleep some 2 hours later.

Then I awoke at 5:30 and couldn't go back to sleep, so I decided I would get up to watch the sunrise alone (we had talked about this on our family trip that he always wants to sleep or nap during any sunrise or sunset and we've never seen one together on any of our trips, that I always see them alone). Well, he must have felt super guilty because he joined me on the balcony.

After trying to get me to tell him what was on my mind after an hour of making mindless conversation, I recounted all of the missed opportunities he had to give me the ONLY thing I asked for on this trip and that he couldn't (and I quote) "couldn't be that fucking clueless". Unfortunately for me, he admitted that he is! I had to say, "Moron, I'm still in the fucking robe with the sexy bustier under it that you bought for me, and for an hour you haven't even asked to see it or touch it...we're still on a deck on a roof, with no one awake or caring for miles...and you haven't done SHIT!!"

He started with his usual apologies about his shortcomings and how sexy I am, how much he loves me, blah, blah, blah...and then had the nerve to ask me: "What do you want me to say?" I lost it: "I DON'T WANT YOU TO SAY SHIT!! DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT?! STOP FUCKING TALKING!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ALL THE SAME APOLOGIES! NO MORE FUCKING TALKING!!! OR YOU CAN GO BACK INSIDE!!"

I sulked while he pondered for what seemed like an eternity, and then he kissed me. I wanted to punch him in the face so bad because I felt like I was forcing him, you know? Then he spread my legs and fingered me so briefly that I barely got my heart racing before he said: "let's go inside". WTF!!!!! Like a little kid I said, "no no no" but he just pulled me along like the big baby I was being, brought me inside, and fucked me.

Sigh. I asked him: "you made me wait five years to get fingered on a deck in public, how many more will I have to wait for what I really want?"

His answer: {shrug}


OH, and I forgot the best best best. We had clearance with my mom to enjoy the full 3 days, he surprises me at dinner (before the non-deck sex) that he misses the kids and wants to leave immediately after checkout the next day, HUH?!?! (First I was extremely touched, but then I'm like: dude I'm with them all day everyday!"

I think I just need a vacation for myself, selfish, I know.



Holy Hot Shit Review!!!

I got a new toy in the mail last week from the Adult Toy Shoppe to review but alas mother nature came and I didn't want to muck up my brand new Micro Bullet Vibrator, you know?

Well, hoooonnnnnnneeeeeyyyyy! Let me tell you about this little fucker right here! Now y'all know I ain't no punk! Miss Pussy likes it just about any way you give it to her...but!! This handy-dandy-holy-shit-let-me-grab-on-to-the-bed-for-dear-life was no fucking joke!!!

First, let me say that it is visually the cutest vibe I've ever had in my entire life. The thing is purple - one of my all time favorite colors!! It's soft and tiny and I was all excited to have it accompany me on my family vacation/anniversary trip but....! Now it has two speeds on it: "Oh My Fucking God!" and "Are You Out of Your Fucking Mind?!"

It had the intensity of possibly being put spread eagle naked on a lier jet with your pussy on the engine. I could barely hold it between my legs for, oh say, three seconds before I thought my coochie was going to burst into flames!!

So ssssssoooooooo disappointed that this vibe was way too intense for me! Ugh, what does that mean? Am I losing my touch? Are the gray hairs really getting to Miss Pussy? Or was this just a sucky ass vibe?

I vote for the last one...right?!


What's Shakin, Bacon?

Hey Peeps!!

How's it hanging, banging, dragging, plugging, fisting, licking, sucking, bucking...in other words, how are you guys doing?

I know it's been a while since I've given you a real deal update on things, so here we go...

  1. I'm on summer vacations - WHOO-FUCKING-HOO!!
  2. I've lost 8lbs and have another 7 to go to reach MY ideal weight
  3. It's fucking unbearably hot, which makes me not want to do a fucking thing on a daily basis
  4. The kids are great, my 10yr old is driving me crazy, I'm convinced her period is coming any day now the way she runs so coocoo for coco puffs on a regular basis (one minute fine, the next minute crying over something so ridiculous I want to scream) ...plus she's a Gemini too - Good Lord! It's going to be a rough next couple of years.
  5. Hubby and I are doing awesomely well, our sex life is thriving, the day after the wedding, we had our first "CS" (corpse sex). I was so tired and told him to have his way with me, and I'd just lie there. SIKE!! I pretty much rolled over and rode him lovely, and instantaneously passed the fuck out!
  6. Did I mention how hot it is?!
  7. I've come to the startling realization that my breasts are way way way huge! I've spent the past 3 weeks looking for bathing suits that actually fit them. I no longer can sport the traditional bikini (you know the triangle top) without popping out repeatedly, and this won't work on our upcoming family vacation. Normally, when I start working out, I lose weight in my tits too, this time I didn't, so the contrasted weight loss really emphasizes them (course no one's complaining)
  8. Oh, for the first time in years, I almost caused an accident! We were driving home from hubby's bday dinner and I was wearing a sundress, ironically picked out by my daughter, that had a ridiculous cleavage. As we pull up to a red light, this older white man in a pickup truck breaks his neck as he slow motion passes us with the old man sneer and he mouths the words, "NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCEEEE"...which is immediately followed by screeching tires. I was giddy the rest of the way home! I have issues, I know. But damn it felt so good!
  9. After a month's worth of numbness in my right foot, I was told by my podiatrist that I have Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome!! I've been out of workout commission for almost a week trying to find appropriate sneakers with good arch support. Workouts will reconvene tomorrow cuz I snagged me some Reebok's yesterday!!
  10. Lastly, hubby and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary in less than a month and will be going to this lovely bed and breakfast in NJ with our own private deck. This was a huge requirement for him and I told him point blank, "If you don't fuck me on this deck that you just had to have on this vacation, I will punch you in the balls and drive home by myself!" You know I'll keep you posted on that threat!!
Missed you guys so much!!