Well, hoooonnnnnnneeeeeyyyyy! Let me tell you about this little fucker right here! Now y'all know I ain't no punk! Miss Pussy likes it just about any way you give it to her...but!! This handy-dandy-holy-shit-let-me-grab-on-to-the-bed-for-dear-life was no fucking joke!!!
First, let me say that it is visually the cutest vibe I've ever had in my entire life. The thing is purple - one of my all time favorite colors!! It's soft and tiny and I was all excited to have it accompany me on my family vacation/anniversary trip but....! Now it has two speeds on it: "Oh My Fucking God!" and "Are You Out of Your Fucking Mind?!"
It had the intensity of possibly being put spread eagle naked on a lier jet with your pussy on the engine. I could barely hold it between my legs for, oh say, three seconds before I thought my coochie was going to burst into flames!!
So ssssssoooooooo disappointed that this vibe was way too intense for me! Ugh, what does that mean? Am I losing my touch? Are the gray hairs really getting to Miss Pussy? Or was this just a sucky ass vibe?
I vote for the last one...right?!
- I'm on summer vacations - WHOO-FUCKING-HOO!!
- I've lost 8lbs and have another 7 to go to reach MY ideal weight
- It's fucking unbearably hot, which makes me not want to do a fucking thing on a daily basis
- The kids are great, my 10yr old is driving me crazy, I'm convinced her period is coming any day now the way she runs so coocoo for coco puffs on a regular basis (one minute fine, the next minute crying over something so ridiculous I want to scream) ...plus she's a Gemini too - Good Lord! It's going to be a rough next couple of years.
- Hubby and I are doing awesomely well, our sex life is thriving, the day after the wedding, we had our first "CS" (corpse sex). I was so tired and told him to have his way with me, and I'd just lie there. SIKE!! I pretty much rolled over and rode him lovely, and instantaneously passed the fuck out!
- Did I mention how hot it is?!
- I've come to the startling realization that my breasts are way way way huge! I've spent the past 3 weeks looking for bathing suits that actually fit them. I no longer can sport the traditional bikini (you know the triangle top) without popping out repeatedly, and this won't work on our upcoming family vacation. Normally, when I start working out, I lose weight in my tits too, this time I didn't, so the contrasted weight loss really emphasizes them (course no one's complaining)
- Oh, for the first time in years, I almost caused an accident! We were driving home from hubby's bday dinner and I was wearing a sundress, ironically picked out by my daughter, that had a ridiculous cleavage. As we pull up to a red light, this older white man in a pickup truck breaks his neck as he slow motion passes us with the old man sneer and he mouths the words, "NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCEEEE"...which is immediately followed by screeching tires. I was giddy the rest of the way home! I have issues, I know. But damn it felt so good!
- After a month's worth of numbness in my right foot, I was told by my podiatrist that I have Tarsal Tunnel Syndrome!! I've been out of workout commission for almost a week trying to find appropriate sneakers with good arch support. Workouts will reconvene tomorrow cuz I snagged me some Reebok's yesterday!!
- Lastly, hubby and I will be celebrating our 5 year anniversary in less than a month and will be going to this lovely bed and breakfast in NJ with our own private deck. This was a huge requirement for him and I told him point blank, "If you don't fuck me on this deck that you just had to have on this vacation, I will punch you in the balls and drive home by myself!" You know I'll keep you posted on that threat!!