Oh, No The Fuck He Didn't!!

I'm washing our son up in the shower, Sunday night is shower night and I wash his hair and we have a blast, right? Or so I thought.

Anyone who has kids knows sometimes they're ok with water on the face and sometimes they're not. The trick is to have quick distractions. I get to washing my son's hair and he likes to help but sometimes he forgets he has soap on his hands and will rub his eyes, he'll cry for a second while I rinse out the Johnson's then I get to the art form of distraction. Tonight was "Who do you love?" where I ask him about all the people (animals) that he loves.

We get through maybe 2 rubs of the eyes, I start to rinse his hair out, and tonight he decided he didn't like the water and did his cry thing. However, before I could continue the love quest, Mr. Asshole bursts into the bathroom screaming, "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING MY SON?! GOT HIM IN HERE EVERY NIGHT CRYING!" WTF!

It's winter idiot, he doesn't get a bath every night, but I'll play along, however, his outburst now sends our son's minor whimper into a full fledged meltdown!

I try to calmly explain that I know what I'm doing, our toddler is fine, he's making matters worse, and now letting the cold from the hallway into the bathroom. Do you know he had the nerve to say some shit like "But when I wash him up he doesn't cry!"?

First, let me remind everyone including him that the last time he gave our son a bath was about a year ago, OK?! So he is far from a fucking expert on bath time! He wants to now make this a good time to tell ME that I must be doing something wrong. I basically said, "Hey, if you think you can do a better job of not only giving our 2 year old a bath, but wash his very temperamental hair too, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT! If not, get out of the doorway, our son is getting cold!!"

Strange, he didn't decide to show me how it's done though! After, as I'm trying to get him dressed for bed, Ding Dong continues his rant about he should be able to have a say if he doesn't like how I'm handling his son. Really?! You would have a say if you lifted one fucking finger to take care of our son! I told him that him running into the bathroom to correct my bathtime routine would be as asinine as me running into the garage and telling him he's fixing his car wrong.

My list for therapy is getting longer and longer...


phallatio said...

Been with my wife since 1986. I have had so many of these dumb arguments. I feel for you.

Rice Pudding said...

Wow. Everything that you are writing here reminds me of when I was married. So much so that it brings tears to my eyes and brings up a measure of anger that I have long suppressed. I'm glad that you are blogging and writing to let women know that they are not alone, but also to remind someone like me of exactly what I don't miss or regret.

Black Pearl said...

Thank you P...and Rice Pudding this is exactly why I blog, and also it makes it more real to actually see my words and feelings come back to me. There's no forgetting when I try to make excuses.