Answering Prop. 3 Questions

Thank you all for your responses (finally LOL). I thought it best to address all the questions in one post, instead trying to comment individually:

  1. NW and Voyeur36 - asked what IF he finds out? how do you explain how it happened? If he were to find out, it more than likely would be due to my admission because with his late hours, it would be very easy to make it happen. The only explanation would be an honest one, he already knows that I feel the urge and that my needs aren't being met.

  2. Bill - asked (alot). No I haven't made up my mind at all. What will he reaction be when he finds out? He'll be angry, possibly try to kick me out, because he's not the one to leave (go back over past posts to see that. Do you think he will be understanding and "forgive" you? No, I can see him keeping me in this marriage and holding it over my head for years. Will it destroy your marriage and if so, will the experience have been worth it? It may destroy my marriage and then no it would not be worth it at all. Will you require the men to wear condoms? HELL FUCKING YES! Have you considered setting up a video camera to capture the session? Um, NO! The surest way to get caught is to hold on to blatant evidence. Have you discussed fidelity with your husband? Yes, a thousand times, yes. Read the ranting post. How would I feel about him having sex with other women? As long as I could be one of the women or watch.

If more questions come up, I'll add them. For right now, I find it interesting that the votes lean towards fulfilling the fantasy, but the comments clearly seem to voice on the side of sticking to my marriage. I went out for lunch with a my BFF today and she's been silently following the blog and she insisted that I do the right thing and honor my vows, and hat there are so many other components to a marriage than just sex. While I know this is true, then why does sex weigh so heavily for me? It is exhausting trying to get him to see the light, and the idea that he may never is depressing as hell. I'm still not sure that I'd be able to live like that. I do love my husband, and these first four years have been quite an uphill battle. It seems that now that many of our other issues are taken care of (for the most part), what's left is our sex life or my lack of enjoying it on a consistent basis. Today we were both home, I went out for that hour, and my BFF hung out for about an hour, which left us several hours before dinner and his sleep time. Knowing our previous conversation, he made not one attempt to get physical (besides his peck when he came home from work this morning). Both kids were home, but our 9yr loves "babysitting" the baby even for a little while and we could have had them play upstairs...but as usual the thought never ever enters his mind. Add to the fact that he thinks it's wrong for us to be remotely affectionate in front of them. I still haven't completely made up my mind, but this is going to be one of the toughest decisions I've had to make in a really long time.

Oh, yeah, HHNT...Thoughful


Dewey's System said...

This isn't an easy one to answer. I have no experience in the cheating field. When I started to venture outside of marriage, wifey was right there, watching participating. And then eventually she wasn't there anymore and I was doing my own thing.

Anyways, I can't answer this for you. My gut says no because you have children, yet my libido, my fantasy side says yes, go for it. If the impact of doing it all could have negative ramifications on the children then I'd really have to say don't do it. They come first in my book. I don't like to think of anything being risked at a cost to them.

Gosh, but if you knew you could keep it a secret, then my irrational side says YES!

inherservice said...

When we can't get what we "need" at home the choices are very limited; we can try to "lock it away" somewhere until we go mad; we can find a way to deal with it in fantasy; we can find ways to "get it" and live with ourselves; or we can walk away and start over somewhere else.

The first time I "cheated", being young and naive, I felt so guilty I confessed and I can tell you you are right, it's never ever forgiven...it's been over 30 years and it's still right there, bubbling under the surface, ready to boil at a moment's notice!

Our time in this realm being finite, there is only so much pleasure available to each of us; would it were a world we weren't faulted for enjoying it while we can!

Black Pearl said...

@Dewey - my children definitely play a huge part in whether I will or won't. I have no doubt in my secret keeping skills. I haven't figured out a way that he would actually find out. LOL

@IHS - that was the most poignant response I think I've gotten to date! Thank you. Locking the urges away is what got me to creating this blog in the first place. I completely understand about that cauldron bubbling over, my husband still has things that he hangs issues I had with his mother over my head from when we were first married. He'll never let me forget cheating. I truly wish that I lived in a realm where fantasies came to life and the harshness of reality was just a distant dream.