I Think My Husband Cheated On Me

The jury is still out. I found some emails of conversations between my husband and some chick from his old job. I wasn't being sneaky I had permission to use him email to send out resumes on his behalf and clean up his 5000+ full inbox (I'd been teasing him for years that I would do it, and he practically begged me to do it).

Anyway I found these emails from back in 2006 after we'd been married a few months and about to get our house. Long story short there were a lot of emails with her cursing him out about not being there for her and terms like "you got what you wanted from me", "I know we each have our significant others but", "I know I shouldn't have gotten feelings for you", "Don't worry about canceling on me %$@^@, I made other plans"...it was over the course of 6 emails and they were very long or I would've posted them.

I did, however, forward them all over to my best man friend for a MANpinion.  His assessment was that the girl was fucking crazy.  And she did sound like a nutjob constantly going off on him for a variety of infractions, mostly not spending time with him.

When I first read them on Saturday, I wasn't angry nor was I hurt, I just felt sick to my stomach.  I didn't have any rage, and therefore just sat on this information for 2 days before finally deciding to ask him about.  Mind you, I let him know on Saturday that I did clean out his inbox and that he should "really check what I left, in case there was anything important".  

Of course, he didn't catch the hint, and I asked him last night who the chick was.  Without hesitation, his eyes bugged out of his head, and he said, "That bitch is fucking crazy!"  He went on to explain that she was a friend from his old job that he used to go to lunch with on occasion but then she started "catching feelings" and acting awkward, so he told he couldn't be friends with her anymore. "PERIOD".  I questioned him a little more about some of the wording, and just as my friend told me, hubby explained that if I "read carefully" I would have seen the outlandish commentary came from her not him.

He hugged me and kissed me, and told me he felt terrible that I would even think that, and that he loved me more than words can say.  He apologized for me feeling cheated on but not to fear that he would never ever cheat on me.

I'm trying to figure out if my lack of anger or hurt is because I believe him or if maybe I'm in shock still at the thought.  I really don't know what to think and while we're in a really good place now, we weren't back in 2006.  I could say that at the end of the day he trusts me implicitly because I had and now have full access to his email and cellphone (all passwords), and he is not computer savvy on the tricks of hiding anything computer related.  Soooooo.....

*Sigh*

What The Hell? Where is Everyone?!?!

I post this HUGE life altering proposal (PROP. 3) and have only received one comment??!! I've been checking all day to see how you guys feel and to get some advice and I just see little crickets dancing on my screen. No love? Did I get too real? Is the fantasy too much? I thought we were way beyond the tip toe topics and delving into the heart of the filthy girl's mind.

Can you please show me some love and attention? I know you're visiting, I know you are...but why isn't anyone saying anything??!!

PROP. 3

SAY SOMETHING PLEASE, THIS DIRTY GIRL IS ON HER DIRTY LITTLE HANDS AND KNEES BEGGING FOR SOME FILTHY FEEDBACK!!

(Hate to say it, but if I've made you all uncomfortable, I'll pull the post...have never done that, but it is what it is)

Prop. 3

All this week I've been in talks with Soul about my needs not being met by my husband, and up until this point he's always been a proponent of keeping to my vows. Well, I'm not sure what changed his mind but this week he pretty much told me, "Fuck it!" and to give him a chance. Not just any chance but a dominate-the-fuck-out-of-you chance. You all know how badly I want to leave my control at the door and get tied up and dominated, well, now Soul wants to be the one to give it to me. He literally told me, not asked, nor suggested, but told me I better have a date for us to meet in the next 30 days by tomorrow. I giggled my way through it but am so intrigued. To sweeten the offer, Soul made me continue my daily tasks in my office while he gave me an oral solo performance over the phone. I can not tell you how difficult it was to talk to my students about transcripts and college applications while he whispered dirty thoughts as he stroked himself into a frenzy. I had half a mind to kick everyone out of my office, but then I would have failed the test. My task was to be able to do my job and listen, get excited, but do nothing to give away what was happening on the other end of the line. I nearly dropped the phone when he came in my honor. What a beautifully loud tribute he gave me that had my panties wet for the remainder of the afternoon. It was after this that he texted me the above mentioned instructions and told me that he was no longer kidding, this wasn't a joke, and he was to be taken seriously. What do I do? I get on the phone with BD and tell him what happened. Somehow, somewhere between talking to both BD and Soul, Prop. 3 was created. BD basically told me that he will be back in town for Thanksgiving weekend and how would I feel about having my threesome with him and Soul. Holy Shit! Gulp! Drip! WTF! A million different things are playing in my head and they're all bad, very, very bad!! In light of my conversation with hubby this morning, I'm possibly about to do a really bad thing: fulfill my all time #1 fantasy of having a threesome - and not just a regular 3some (if there is such a thing) but a tag-team-take-turns-fuck-her-in-both-holes-while-tied-up kind of threesome! I'm all for spontaneity, however, if I do this it has to be premeditated, meaning: we have to set up a date, time, and place. I told Soul this morning, that in all good conscience, I probably could only come up with date and time, but would need them to set up the rest, without hesitation he said, "No problem, put BD in touch with me". Am I wrong here? I always felt that if I cheated it would be something that just sorta happened, but to plan it out, to me makes it that much more heinous. Angel keeps telling me, "Oh, you just have to keep working with your husband, it'll take time, but he'll get it", and that sneaky little devil keeps whispering, "You've tried everything, even told the man he's going to force you to cheat, you're a sexy bitch and deserve some real good fucking, so stop the deliberating and go get yours!" HELP! I'm going to put a poll up and I need you all to weigh in on Prop. 3! (also put up a gadget for you guys to ask questions).

Rant First...More Decisions to Follow...

The fight between good and evil still wages on my shoulders. Even after analgasms last weekend I knew not to get excited. An entire week goes by and nothing, nada, zippo, zilch, not a tongue, not a kiss, not a caress, not a pinch, not a fucking thing! His excuse, of course, was that I was sick...but I asked him as I'll ask you: doesn't sex make everything feel better? He couldn't deny that and admitted that he could have sex no matter how he's feeling. Ok, so why would he think anything less of his sex hungry wife??!?! It's like one step forward and two steps back every time. I knew not to get excited over getting him to give me anal (one of my fantasies), I just knew he'd fall back into the rut. Mind you, I was even home for 2 days this week, and one of those days our 9 yr old wasn't even home!! So afternoon quickies could have been all over this damn house! I told him in no uncertain terms this morning that he is making it extremely difficult to stay true to our vows because we have to keep having this same tired ass conversation about what I need and how I need it on a consistent basis. Now that we've got the work schedule all squared away, he's working only one job, and sleeping more now than he's ever slept in our entire relationship, he's still using SLEEP as his excuse, oh, and a bad back for last night's infraction (don't even want to go there, but real quick, I told him I didn't care that I was sick since he didn't take the hint Friday night, and he promised to make me "feel better" last night. I wake up to find his hands between my legs and the beginning of some good sex. You with me? I'm peering at him since he flipped me on my stomach and I swear he's somewhere else, it was as if he was fucking the air and I wasn't even in the room. Whatever. Then 15 minutes in, he stops, flips me on my back and does that wonderful finger thing on the g-spot I love. I cum quickly. Then he climbs on top Roger Rabbits me, all the while I'm yelling, "Please don't cum yet, slow down, don't do it, don't you do it!" He cums, apologizes, rolls off, cleans up, and starts to fall asleep. I'm mad, he tells me I can get him later in his sleep. Fine. Baby gets me up around 2am and after getting him back to sleep I seize my opportunity and climb on top of him as it took only 2 strokes and he was hard for me. He opens one eye and asks me to add some lube, which was strange cuz I'm always wet, but I obliged. I start doing my magic but the magic ain't working. He's laying there and I would've have bet money I was doing a corpse! He didn't move, moan, sigh, breathe, nothing. He just fucking laid there. I took his hands and tried to get him to grab my ass, he literally just rested them on the outskirts of my hips like 2 wet ass noodles. I asked not once but twice, "are you awake?" and he replied, "yeah, go 'head". After 2 more painstaking minutes of getting no reaction whatsoever, I dramatically hopped off and theatrically sighed on my side of the bed. He just reached over to rub my shoulder and mumbled, "sorry babe", before snoring again.) Now fast forward to this mornings "ultimatum" (his words not mine). I told him I'm really tired of this and that he's leaving me no choice. At least this time, I didn't his usual sad ass apology or fake ass "I'll do better". This time he simply said, "There's nothing else I can say that you haven't heard before that won't piss you off. Just know that I fee pretty fucked up that my wife isn't happy and I have to deal with ultimatums. I know that when I make you happy, I'm that much more happy because of it." I told him that he must be allergic to change because he tries then we get in a rut, then he tries and we get in a rut...and so on and so on and so on. I'm always the one to say something or try something and I'm tired. I told him soon I'm just not going to say anything or do anything anymore, and then what? I'm trying so hard to be good, but I feel like he's making it much too easy for me!

Decisions Decisions...

Guess what? Got a call from BD and he's in town for a week. I know all I would need to do is pick up the phone and he would cum running ...but...

Hubby has been trying lately to accomodate my needs and urges. Even though many of these urges still aren't met. Part of me wants to experience having my name called out with intense desire and passion. Part of me needs that overwhelming feeling of being ravished from head
to toe. And let's be real, a huge part of me misses the huge part of the BD!!!

In my best Florida Evans voice: Dayum DaYum DAAYUM!!! Damn hubby for trying, damn me for being selfishly greedy, damn BD for cumming into town! Ugh!

Sent from my iPhone

How do you decide to cheat?

Does something major have to happen, a fight? Sleeping in separate rooms? Lack of communication? A forgotten birthday or anniversary? Sexless marriage? Or is it a steadily building pile of little things like burping in public, tighty whitie underwear, not helping around the house? I'm reading these blogs of married men and women who have found their way into the arms of lovers and can't help wonder how did they get there? I've made friends with a few and spoken offline to get some understanding. The most interesting thing that I've found: everyone loves their spouses. Some even believe their mates have turned a blind eye on their extramarital affairs. What pushes otherwise happily married individuals over the edge and into someone else's bed?

How many more "uncomfortable" conversations about sex can a couple have? Or when do you have enough "really, you couldn't think of doing that for me simply because I asked you to"? Is there a conscience decision to cheat? Or do you one day find yourself so pissed off by the day's fucked up circumstances that some man or woman just happens to be in your wrong place and wrong time at the right fucking time? Like if I left the house right now went to a bar or club or hell the supermarket and Mr. SmileAtMeTheRightWay offered to take me home, would I?

Is this rant of mine a case of me being overly sensitive to the fact that today is my birthday and I know funds are tight and hubby has "allegedly" something in the works but couldn't get me even a card on my actual day? Am I being a bitch because of this? I know money is tight right now, I know he has the best of intentions, but..... for Father's day and his birthday, I orchestrated this huge surprise "Man's Day" at this sports club, got him the cards, the cake, even spending money to hang with the fellas on his day. I can't get a card with an I.O.U for this weekend or the next or for whenever he has whatever he has planned. My mother gave me a mini-Julia Roberts shopping spree today (you know the new size after baby clothes) and all I could think about was when I get home maybe there would be a modest bouquet of flowers, a card or shit even a poem written on a piece of scrap paper...he knows I'm a simple gal and simple things please me. We've had this talk about a $2 card to mark occasions when money, timing and originality are out the window...ie birth of our son, mother's day, Christmas. I don't know...is it my mother's fault for making our birthdays feel like the most special day in year even as adults? Should I blame her for feeling this way? I don't think so, especially since I've told him how I feel about this a few dozen times over the years. It's not about material things for me, it's the idea that you took a moment to sit down and think, what could I do to make this day special for my mate? I'm a poet by nature, and so was he when we met, I've told him countless times, can't get to the store then put your love in print...it's priceless and can't be bought. I don't know...I just feel like, damn. Someone talk to me...

This Is Dedicated To All Those Stepping Out and Those That Just Fantasize About it...

Maxwell - Bad Habits- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

If I could have Maxwell as my bad habit, well then GotttDAmmit!!!!