Rant First...More Decisions to Follow...

The fight between good and evil still wages on my shoulders. Even after analgasms last weekend I knew not to get excited. An entire week goes by and nothing, nada, zippo, zilch, not a tongue, not a kiss, not a caress, not a pinch, not a fucking thing! His excuse, of course, was that I was sick...but I asked him as I'll ask you: doesn't sex make everything feel better? He couldn't deny that and admitted that he could have sex no matter how he's feeling. Ok, so why would he think anything less of his sex hungry wife??!?! It's like one step forward and two steps back every time. I knew not to get excited over getting him to give me anal (one of my fantasies), I just knew he'd fall back into the rut. Mind you, I was even home for 2 days this week, and one of those days our 9 yr old wasn't even home!! So afternoon quickies could have been all over this damn house! I told him in no uncertain terms this morning that he is making it extremely difficult to stay true to our vows because we have to keep having this same tired ass conversation about what I need and how I need it on a consistent basis. Now that we've got the work schedule all squared away, he's working only one job, and sleeping more now than he's ever slept in our entire relationship, he's still using SLEEP as his excuse, oh, and a bad back for last night's infraction (don't even want to go there, but real quick, I told him I didn't care that I was sick since he didn't take the hint Friday night, and he promised to make me "feel better" last night. I wake up to find his hands between my legs and the beginning of some good sex. You with me? I'm peering at him since he flipped me on my stomach and I swear he's somewhere else, it was as if he was fucking the air and I wasn't even in the room. Whatever. Then 15 minutes in, he stops, flips me on my back and does that wonderful finger thing on the g-spot I love. I cum quickly. Then he climbs on top Roger Rabbits me, all the while I'm yelling, "Please don't cum yet, slow down, don't do it, don't you do it!" He cums, apologizes, rolls off, cleans up, and starts to fall asleep. I'm mad, he tells me I can get him later in his sleep. Fine. Baby gets me up around 2am and after getting him back to sleep I seize my opportunity and climb on top of him as it took only 2 strokes and he was hard for me. He opens one eye and asks me to add some lube, which was strange cuz I'm always wet, but I obliged. I start doing my magic but the magic ain't working. He's laying there and I would've have bet money I was doing a corpse! He didn't move, moan, sigh, breathe, nothing. He just fucking laid there. I took his hands and tried to get him to grab my ass, he literally just rested them on the outskirts of my hips like 2 wet ass noodles. I asked not once but twice, "are you awake?" and he replied, "yeah, go 'head". After 2 more painstaking minutes of getting no reaction whatsoever, I dramatically hopped off and theatrically sighed on my side of the bed. He just reached over to rub my shoulder and mumbled, "sorry babe", before snoring again.) Now fast forward to this mornings "ultimatum" (his words not mine). I told him I'm really tired of this and that he's leaving me no choice. At least this time, I didn't his usual sad ass apology or fake ass "I'll do better". This time he simply said, "There's nothing else I can say that you haven't heard before that won't piss you off. Just know that I fee pretty fucked up that my wife isn't happy and I have to deal with ultimatums. I know that when I make you happy, I'm that much more happy because of it." I told him that he must be allergic to change because he tries then we get in a rut, then he tries and we get in a rut...and so on and so on and so on. I'm always the one to say something or try something and I'm tired. I told him soon I'm just not going to say anything or do anything anymore, and then what? I'm trying so hard to be good, but I feel like he's making it much too easy for me!