Receiving Head 101

Even though I got that lame ass, "I don't know, I guess" the other night, I still rolled up on him ninja style while he was sleeping and woke him up with his dick surrounded by my tongue and saliva. As I mentioned in the previous post on this subject men should be responsible for certain things during the oralization of the penis. I was doin the damn thang for good 15 minutes and I could not tell if he was fully conscious or not. I mean he had his hand on my ass (you know I had myself perfectly positioned just in case he decided to reciprocate with a 69 - those are rare in our bed), and was kinda stroking softly which was nice don't get me wrong...but it was so fucking silent in the room. I decided to kick it up a notch and add my own soundtrack in an attempt to stir something within him, you know the usual slurping, sloshing, moany noises you make when your mouth is full. Nothing, nada, zippo! He did eventually start to move his hips, hold my head, and steel clamp my left tit, it just feels robotic without the vocal proof that he actually likes it.

Illustration by Édouard-Henri AvrilImage via Wikipedia

Personally, a man must do the following in order to keep receiving head on a continual, ask-free basis:

  1. When offered to get a blow job, graciously stop what your doing and drop your drawers
  2. Make sure the piggy and nuts are fresh and free of any musk
  3. If you want the element of surprise and your dead weight is the equivalent of a school bus, please be so kind as to fall asleep on your back
  4. Once you awaken to find your dick in your partner's mouth, give a little moan so they know you're awake both upstairs and downstairs
  5. While your being sucked dry with no strings attached, please do at least 3 of the following:
    a. alternate caressing/fondling different parts of your partner's anatomy
    b. moan intermittently, sigh, inhale sharply, curse, make some type of fucking noise
    c. talk dirty, call their name, tell them you love them,or refer to the man upstairs as if he/she were in the room with you
    d. pull your partner into the 69 position, which will intensify your blow job by at least 95%
    e. kiss, lick, bite, slap any/all available body parts
    f. pull their hair (be mindful of any weaves or tracks)
    g. guide your partner's head to a rhythm that's pleasing to you
  6. Then when you think you're about to cum, you can either:
    a. let your partner know in advance, if they like to swallow
    b. pull out and cum all over tits or ass (I'm not one for cumming in my face, sorry that's the one sex act that I find disrespectful - notice I said the one)
    c. stop the blow job and reward your partner by fucking the shit out of them for the unsolicited blow job (my personal favorite!)

Now that's Receiving Head 101, any questions?


R. said...

If i could ever be so lucky, I'm sure I will implement these rules.

Richard Grueso said...

I used to have a girl who WOKE me up every morning with a blowjob. The ONLY reason that she continued to do so was because she got such a great response the first time that she did it!

I tried to wake up my current chick by eating her pussy but nearly got a knee in the eye. Needless to say that was the last time I attempted that. I need to write an etiquette list for getting your pussy eaten as well!

The Sexual Buzz said...

6c is certainly a winner. I agree the more enthusiastic the receiver the more likely they are to receiver again the in near future. A less than enthusiastic response makes me feel unsexy and not in the mood to be generous.