Irresponsible or Healthy?

Irresponsible might be a poor choice of words, but is it irresponsible or healthy to continue to have sexual fantasies that you want to fulfill with your spouse? The whole reason this blog came into existence is because I'm an overly sexual being and have been repressing much of my sexuality because a) my hubby is my complete opposite and 6) we don't have the "time" or "means" to entertain me. The conversation came up about fantasies and the question was posed to me, "You still want to fulfill your fantasies now? Didn't you get those out of your system when we got married?" UM, NO! I still want a threesome, I still want to have sex in locations where the element of getting caught is there, I still want to go to a "sexy" party or sex expo. I have a mental locker near busting at the seams filled with unfulfilled fantasies and more important, fantasies that I'd like to fulfill with him!

Threesome2Image via Wikipedia

I mean, where is this unwritten rule that says once you get married you have to relinquish those fantasies and just have "normal" sex? I asked him if he wanted complete honestly (and believe me this is not the first nor will it be the last time that we've had this conversation, but each time I think he hopes my answers will change) and basically reminded him of what I like, what I am capable of, what I need, what turns me on and off, and the myriad of fantasies that are locked up in my sexual psyche. He feigned surprise but this discussion of ours went into the wee hours of the morning. He feels that he got his fantasies out of his system before we got married and it doesn't "interest" him in doing those things with me. Ouch! When I asked him why not, he couldn't give me a definitive explanation other than the fact that "you're my wife now". Hm? I decided to take this opportunity of openness and really get him talking. I went with the obvious man fantasy of having two women, and I asked him, "How would you feel if I said yes to that?" He feels that 3somes either way won't work and that they'd turn into some Wendy Williams advice hour type shit where one person is left feeling vulnerable and another will possibly start to question the relationship. After an hour of this, I finally got him to say that he might be open to a 3some but only at a "sexy" party where I would have to prep him first and get him good and liquored up. I made him really think about realistic fantasies that he could see enjoying with me and he came up with a few: on a private beach (did we somehow hit the lottery and I didn't know?), role playing in a bar as strangers (more doable), on a car hood...making progress, right? After over three hours of discussion, and even being so bold as to ask, "If one person in a marriage is not getting satisfied after making several attempts to get their spouse to be more open, would you blame them for stepping outside the marriage?" After a long pause, he said, "No, I guess I wouldn't...I will try to do make more of an effort to appreciate how unbelievably sexual my wife is, ok?"


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R. said...

I'm encouraged by the progress you've made. I mean, your husband has a woman that most men (not all) dream about. I can't ever see having that kind of success. I can't even get mine to admit she has any fantasies. lol.

Well, I hope you get to live them out. :) Just make sure you blog the results. We'll all be watching.

Anonymous said...

Murphy's Law, freaks get paired up with the prudes and the prudes get paired up with the freaks. Prudes need to stop taking good freaks off the market!!!! lol