Feeling Sorry for Him?

I was all set to post a nice filthy little number when I got the following anonymous comment on the previous post, New Tings Brewing:

"Anonymous said...
Good thing hyou are putting off your you know whayt, make it for good while you are at it. I am already feeling sorry for your husband. He might commit suicide. Marriage tryuly is tricky but the bed should be undefiled."

Check the post if you don't believe, the English teacher in me wanted to first take a red pen to all the spelling and grammatical errors, and then I really saw was red when I got to the line about "feeling sorry for your husband. He might commit suicide". Really? Now, I don't want to scare off any of my readers, lurkers, fans, or foes with this response, but I feel compelled to say something. Anonymous, I have to believe that you're new to my blog or else I don't see how it is humanly possible to feel sorry for my husband who has a wife that not only loves him but wants, begs, and pleads to have sex, make love, fuck him almost every fucking day of the week for the past 5 years! I wear the outfits, I put on the stillettos, I keep a freshly trimmed bush at all times, my hair is always done, I grope him a minimum of 5 times a damn day. I send him naughty texts and naked pics of myself a few days out of the week. I posed for boudiour pictures for our anniversary as my gift to him! I masturbate for him, watch porn with him like we're at the fucking movies, and let's not forget the regular wifely duties! I'm only one that cooks in this house, I clean, I primarily take care of our two children while he works nights. I WORK FULL TIME! And no matter whether I'm sick, tired, depressed, hungry, feeling fat and bloated, I still have to BEG him 4 times out of 7 day fucking week to sleep with me, and I say only 4 because he'd rather catch up on sleep and I stopped playing myself asking every day! If it weren't for the fact that he works and sleeps the majority of his days and nights, I'd think HE was the one having an affair! In fact, I even gave him permission to cheat, if it meant that I could also have my cake and eat it too, plus alleviate his stress of me constantly hounding him for sex, and beating him in the head that I'm not happy with our sex life! So, Anonymous, before you go feeling all sorry for his ass, read everything I've had to say over the past few months. Committ Suicide?!?! How many fucking husbands can complain to their friends that their wife wants to fuck every day?? PUUULLLLLEEEEEEEZZZZZEEE!!!

Quiz Time - Thanks BMS

This quiz was posted by Between My Sheets and I liked the questions so much I decided to post them here!

Are you still friends with the person you lost your virginity to?
Yup! We still talk! We used to say that if we ever married we would be each other's lovers, however, when put to the challenge he couldn't do it! Still love him though, and should he make a visit in town, I just might try to convince him again!
Do you have any sexual regrets?
Sometimes I regret not marrying my sexual equal but of late he has been trying, so we'll see. I absolutely regret not having my threesome pre-marriage!!
If you could, how often would you have sex?
EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!
Have you ever had bruises from sex?
That's a funny question, back in the day it was surprising if I had sex and didn't have bruises...now I couldn't tell you the last time I had sex battle scars (although I do leave hubby all scratched up and bitten)
How often do you masturbate?
Masturbating definitely depends on how I'm feeling at a particular moment, and as you all read about 2 weeks ago I couldn't help myself!
What do you think of when you masturbate?
Honestly, I mostly think of what I miss about sex with previous lovers or fantasize about hubby actually listening to me and doing all of the things I wish we could do!
What is your favorite body part on the opposite sex?
Hands and mouth! (and all the wondrous things they can do to me and for me!)
When is the last time you had sex?
Saturday! It was actually the first time in a long time that I had sleep sex (will blog about it later - promise)
Are you happy with you sex life?
Sometimes...other times, I want to run out and find the nearest penis!
Do you believe in monogamy?
Yes, however this does not stop me from thinking about cheating and it certainly didn't stop me from my previous discretions.
Do you believe in “the one”?
I want to believe in "the one", though I think they only exist in fairy tales or in years gone by or with couples married over fifty years...but oh, how I do want to believe!

Feel free to answer these questions as a comment or on your own blog!

Poll Results: Masturbation! (TMI Tuesday Lead In)

The question posed on the last poll was:

How often do you masturbate?

1. Daily: 8 (80%)
2. Mulitple times a day: 0 (0%)
3. 1-3 times a week: 2 (20%)
4. 4 - 5 times a month: 0 (0%)
5. Once a month: 0 (0%)
6. Only on special occasions: 0 (0%)
7. Never: 0 (0%)

I must say that I was relieved that no one put never or Only on special occasions! It's good to know that a great many of us self-pleasure. I fall into the 1-3 times a week, when I can't convince hubby to give me some (which by the way, it's been days! I don't know how it happened, but I said to him today "Um, what the fuck? What's up with the no dickly for the past like WEEK!" He looked like he saw a ghost. "I thought you were good from the past few sessions?" See, people what have we learned? He really thought he was safe...I digress). Back to masturbating.

1. I'm curious as to why the rest of you do it. Is it like me, more out of sexual frustration? Or do you simply do it because you love to do it?
2. Care to share your first mastabatory experience? Inquiring minds really want to know!
3. Those of you married or with partners, do you share the experience together? As you know, my hubby refuses to masturbate, let alone even stroke himself for a few before we fuck for me!!
4. Have you ever caught someone you didn't know playing with themself? What did you do?
5. Where is the craziest place you've ever had to stick your hands down your pants and take care of things?

TMI Tuesday - Ten Questions Donated from Bill...

Bill loves to keep me on my blogger toes by asking me random questions every once in a while. Here's his latest onslaught of Q & A (my answers are in purple):

I have ten questions for you. Hopefully you’ll find it enjoyable to share your answers with us.

1. What is the total number of men have you had sex with?
I think 34, kinda lost count after college...forgot names and faces


2. Do you shave, trim, or leave your pussy natural? (Had to ask since you have never shared any pics of it - yet.)
Actually, hubby trims me up. I keep it neat. Hair is jet black, straight, with a few rogue silver strands here and there lol


3. Do you ever go braless out in public?
Ouch, not with my tatas! Too painful!


4. How old were you when you gave up your virginity?
No violins here, ok...A date rape when I was 15, but I don't really count that one. I lost my for real-for real virginity to my high school sweetheart a year later at 16.


5. How old were you when you first orgasmed?
Playing around and exploring with my fingers in the tub at 14


6. What is your favorite fucking position?
On top - guaranteed multiple orgasm position for me


7. Have you ever been watched while having sex?
Can't say for certain, but in college on a road trip had sex in a hotel room while another couple we were traveling with had simultaneous sex with us...it was almost a competition to see who's man could get us to cum first. (no one talks about this years lol)


8. Is there anything you wouldn’t do sexually to please your man?
Um, won't know until he asks me!!!


9. Do you have any “boudoir photos” of your tits covered with hubby’s cum? (If not, I would suggest taking some for your PRIVATE collection. Your dark skin would provide a sexy contrast to his creamy white cum. I would also suggest making sure you take photos of your tits giving milk. Again, the contrast of the watery liquid against your dark skin would be striking, not to mention the eroticism that it is YOUR life sustaining liquid from YOUR body. I STILL can't believe your hubby isn't drinking you dry!)
No hubby didn't take the pictures, and he isn't into cumming on me. Not a huge thrill for me, but I'd be ok with it if he did do it. And no pics of breastmilk either, that I, hm, feel like I can not, will not waste a drop for my son. As long as he tasted it, I'm fine, but I would not let him steal from baby if he was into that either.


10. Tell us one more sexy thing about yourself that we don’t know.
    My tongue is so long I can lick my own nipple

Now, answer at your own risk ;-)

Sneaky Freaky

Ok Ok Ok

One of my blogger dudes suggested that the lack of response to What Makes a Freak a Freak? post is because everyone is waiting to see what I have to say on the subject. No one wants to make the first move, which I was shocked to see so many passive answers. Being that here in blogosphere we're all safe, unjudged, and having a good time with our sexual openness, it surprised me at the lack of unabashed freaky responses. I spoke to a few online peeps and real life folks to get a little list going of some Freaky. I understand that everyone's definition of "freak" is different, however, I did want to hear what YOU considered freaky in your own lives. With that being said, here's a little Sneaky Freaky list (some are mine you may recognize from previous posts and the rest are from what I'll call "Shy Folks")...Here we go:

• Golden showers - having a man or woman drown your body with their hot golden liquid
• strap-on sex - where one partner of the same or opposite sex puts on a strap-on dildo to fuck their partner either in the pussy or the ass
• rape fantasy - playing the victim while someone forcefully takes sex or sexual favors from you
• incestuous role play - acting out as mother/son, father/daughter, brother/sister sex fantasy
• BDSM - desire to be humiliated/dominated or dominate sexually; want to inflict sexual pain or receive sexual pain for pleasure
• exhibitionist - the urge to show body parts in public
• cross-dressing - to dress as the opposite sex to gain stimulation and/or pleasure
• animal play - erotic or sexual role play where one or all partners take on the behavior, appearance and mannerisms of a real/imaginary animal
• fetishism - sexual arousal is achieved by an object, situation or particular body part
• anal sex - (while normal for most it is still considered kinky/freaky to many)

There you have it! I did the research, posed the question, and those are the results. Hopefully, now that I've put some of them out there, you'll feel free to tell us about your kinkiest/freakiest sexual or non-sexual experience...maybe??

What Makes a Freak a Freak?

I need some audience participation for this one! I want to know what do you all consider freaky or freaky behavior or someone being a freak. Give me some examples. The debate has come up in my bedroom several times, as well as a few of my friendly discussions with friends of the opposite sex. What makes a man or woman a freak in the bedroom (or car, or bathroom, or movie theater...LOL you get where I'm going)?

Gimme some freaky nasty!! I can't wait to hear (see) what you all think!!

My Top 10 Sweet Ass Fantasies List

Top 10

1. Role playing in public –meet the “stranger” and we go off to some sleazy location to fuck our brains out or do in the restaurant/club bathroom or park etc.
2. Sexy Party – showing up to an unpublicized location where at midnight all clothes come off. You can just watch or indulge in various sex acts with the strangers you meet.
3. Dominate him –
   Tie him up.
   Make him follow directions to perform sexual acts on me.
   If he wants something, he has to beg for it
4. Voyeurism – have sex anywhere in public where possibly anyone can watch or we can get caught.
5. Dominate me –
   Tie me up with his ties or sex ropes and be ravaged.
   Blindfolded and handcuffed
   Made to follow instructions or be punished by spanking or relentless teasing.
6. Be the man – I have extreme penis envy and would love the opportunity to fuck someone with a strap-on whether male or female, primarily male to have that once in a lifetime opportunity to make a man my bitch.
7. Camera ready – Pose for Playboy magazine or guest star in a porn. (Tee hee - can sorta check this off!!!)
8. Lady like – have another woman pleasure me while my man watches and masturbates.
9. No means No – yep, being the poor innocent virgin who gets thrown against the wall, hands pinned, panties ripped away and fucked hard!
   
   
   And the No. 1 Fantasy is…
   
   
   drumroll please…
   
   
   …..duh!
   
10. Double penetration – Yes! Sex with 2 men, one in my pussy and one in my ass!! The Ultimate Orgasm – I shall find it one day!!

Irresponsible or Healthy?

Irresponsible might be a poor choice of words, but is it irresponsible or healthy to continue to have sexual fantasies that you want to fulfill with your spouse? The whole reason this blog came into existence is because I'm an overly sexual being and have been repressing much of my sexuality because a) my hubby is my complete opposite and 6) we don't have the "time" or "means" to entertain me. The conversation came up about fantasies and the question was posed to me, "You still want to fulfill your fantasies now? Didn't you get those out of your system when we got married?" UM, NO! I still want a threesome, I still want to have sex in locations where the element of getting caught is there, I still want to go to a "sexy" party or sex expo. I have a mental locker near busting at the seams filled with unfulfilled fantasies and more important, fantasies that I'd like to fulfill with him!

Image via Wikipedia

I mean, where is this unwritten rule that says once you get married you have to relinquish those fantasies and just have "normal" sex? I asked him if he wanted complete honestly (and believe me this is not the first nor will it be the last time that we've had this conversation, but each time I think he hopes my answers will change) and basically reminded him of what I like, what I am capable of, what I need, what turns me on and off, and the myriad of fantasies that are locked up in my sexual psyche. He feigned surprise but this discussion of ours went into the wee hours of the morning. He feels that he got his fantasies out of his system before we got married and it doesn't "interest" him in doing those things with me. Ouch! When I asked him why not, he couldn't give me a definitive explanation other than the fact that "you're my wife now". Hm? I decided to take this opportunity of openness and really get him talking. I went with the obvious man fantasy of having two women, and I asked him, "How would you feel if I said yes to that?" He feels that 3somes either way won't work and that they'd turn into some Wendy Williams advice hour type shit where one person is left feeling vulnerable and another will possibly start to question the relationship. After an hour of this, I finally got him to say that he might be open to a 3some but only at a "sexy" party where I would have to prep him first and get him good and liquored up. I made him really think about realistic fantasies that he could see enjoying with me and he came up with a few: on a private beach (did we somehow hit the lottery and I didn't know?), role playing in a bar as strangers (more doable), on a car hood...making progress, right? After over three hours of discussion, and even being so bold as to ask, "If one person in a marriage is not getting satisfied after making several attempts to get their spouse to be more open, would you blame them for stepping outside the marriage?" After a long pause, he said, "No, I guess I wouldn't...I will try to do make more of an effort to appreciate how unbelievably sexual my wife is, ok?"

OK!

To blow him or not to blow him?

How would you take it if your spouse came home from an extremely hard day at work, complaining, tired, and in a miserable mood, and you the good husband or wife offer to give them oral pleasure just to make them feel better, and they say, "I don't know, I guess"? Seriously?! Now I don't mean to toot my own fucking horn here but I suck a pretty mean dick, and to get a monotone, "I don't know, I guess", followed by a "I suppose you could wake me up later, you know I was being sarcastic before, right?" I kinda feel like forget now! I offered and you weren't enthusiastic. For me that's all part of the fun of it. I know most women don't enjoy giving blow jobs, I'm not one of them. It actually turns me on and I can even reach orgasm doing it...that being said, I have to be inspired by the man I'm giving it to in order to achieve either of the two reactions. You know: breathing heavy, pulling or playing with my hair, a moan or deep sigh, talking dirty to me and if you really want to get me going then play with my tits or stick a finger or two between my thighs...but maybe that's just me?

My bedroom opposite doesn't "allow" me to play with him outside of the bedroom, by this I mean, I'm not "allowed" to grab at his dick, fondle his ass, or even stick my hands down his shirt unless it's leading up to sex. For him, it's like "what's the point, if the playing doesn't go any where?" or his other excuse, "the kids are still awake". Firstly, is it a guy thing? Is there some sort of unwritten rule that you can't tease one another unless the sex is imminent? I know the answer is NO, because I have guys friends that are constantly groping and fondling their wives while cooking, doing the dishes, laundry, taking out the garbage...you get what I'm saying. I just need to figure out how to get my spouse to see that there's nothing wrong with that. After 4 years of marriage, you'd think he'd catch a clue by now. Secondly, what wrong with our children knowing that mommy and daddy have to have couple time, and when they get older understanding that mommy and daddy have a great "intimate" relationship. I don't want my kids growing up thinking sex is a dirty word or a secret, that's how teens get knocked up! More than ever before, I'm groping and teasing him in other places besides the bedroom and night time, plus I'm also being more verbally open in front of close family and friends about our sex life in front of him. I firmly believe it is because of this that he recently tried to break my back when I asked him to handle his business later one night in front of a relative. Is it an ego thing for him? Do I have to put him on front street every time I want mind-numbing sex? After 5 years of togetherness, how do I get HIM to be inspired to treat me like the sexual goddess that I am, instead of being a DIRTY GIRL ON LOCK?!

The Hard Facts

I've been obsessing for the past hour on trying to find some statistics on how often people are getting laid. It's a good question, don't you think? Well, finding the answer was not as easy as I thought it would be. I found this on About.com:

In a survey of more than 86 other studies on women’s reports of sexual intercourse frequency, U.S. and European women between the ages of 26 to 35 reported having sex between 8 to 12 times per month. SERIOUSLY??? Is this accurate for anyone? I WISH!!!!
In one of the largest U.S. studies, the majority of men and women who were living together but unmarried reported having sex 8 to 12 times per month, and the majority of married people reported having sex “a few times per month.” This is more like it, well, I don't like it, but it is what it is! One textbook compared studies in the U.S. of men and women surveyed about the frequency of “marital coitus” from 1938, 1970 and 2003. There was, in fact, little difference across the decades, and looking at men and women from ages 20 to 45, they reported between 6.8 and 8 times per month. LIES, I TELL YOU, ALL LIES!!
Researchers point out that there are many problems with these numbers, including a lack of agreement on what “sex” meant to those answering the question and problems with how the data was collected. EXACTLY!! WHAT IS SEX? BLOWJOB, ANAL, MISSIONARY, 69, 88, OR ALL OF THE ABOVE OR NONE OF THE ABOVE?? All I know is I want my 8 - 12 times a month as the stats confirm!!!!

Guess who's not cumming for dinner?

If you've had the conversation well over the allowable, say, ten times, and he still doesn't get it, what more can you do? You love him, right? But how important is sex anyway? Let me rephrase that because we are having sex. Do you have to cum every time? Most men do, they can do it in their sleep even - damn nocturnal emissions my ass! OK, I'll admit I have severe penis envy, always have and I always will. I recently complainied to 2 male friends to get their perspective (b/c when I asked my girlfriend, she said I'm overthinking it - UM, NO!!) If I can do it by myself, and I can get it if I'm on top, why can't he make it happen for me? I put on the shoes, I put on the outfits, I put away the granny panties, even do my hair and slap on some lip gloss, but I can't get him to put a little extra in to it so that I can have a good night's sleep!! I don't think it's wrong to insist on a happy ending at the end of every sexy bedtime story. Anyway, one said, "Isn't it ironic how sexual we all are (referring to he, the other male, and myself), and we all ended up hooking up with our bedroom opposites?" To which the other explained,"It's punishment for all the whoring around we did when we were younger." Makes sense, or does it? Is there a way to compromise in a sexual relationship when one person is overly sexual and the other is, well, not?

Image by Ryan Somma via Flickr

On another subject, but not really, I'm curious what does the word "FREAK" really mean? Does liking pornos, slutty outfits, and hi-heels make a man a freak or just average joe? When I think "Freak" I think: Ménage à trois, voyeurism, toys with weird names, positions that would make your mama disown you, blindfolds, sex while driving, doing in it in places just to see if you get caught, private sex parties in hidden lofts...I mean am I alone here? Am I speaking out of my ass? Oh, yeah, and let's not forget third input! Aren't some of these the things that really come to mind when someone uses the word "freak"?

**This is the first official post of a Dirty Girl on Lock, if you like it, please comment, become a follower, and share it with your friends! Look for more sexual foolishness...