This Shit Right Here!

This shot of a dick in an ass with two fingers in a pussy looks like it would feel fucking explosive!!

Damn! Some Friday nite. Watching porn and shoving things in my ass...alone :-{

(had to remove link sorry!)

Mister Big Dick Willy BoBo

Where are you?
Are you only in my dreams?
Oh, Mister Big Dick Willy BoBo.
Have you forsaken my sweet lips?
Upper or lower, does it really matter?
They both miss the feel of you...
In me, on me, by me, for me

Mister Big Dick Willy BoBo,
Won't you come over?
Should I click my clit three times and say:
There's no dick sweeter than yours
There's no dick sweeter than yours
There's no dick sweeter than yours

I'll be waiting...

Need Sex Bad!!!

Almost had an opportunity to get me some ole skool dick yesterday and now I'm feenin like a dick junkie!!

Had staff development and one of my favorite bed fellows was only 15 mins away...but my principal unwittingly cock blocked my early escape by showing up on my escape route just as I was leaving! I knew there was a reason why I don't like this guy!

It's funny how so much thought went into this little afternoon tryst. I was going back and forth on the whole should I or shouldn't I with my marriage in such disarray...but I'm so horny, does that make me a bad person?

Sidebar: going through church now to fix what's broke as a last ditch effort.

So, is it wrong to want to sleep with someone else while deciding whether you want to remain with your spouse or not?

What say you?

Happy Halloween Bitches!!!!

The Queen of Fucking Broken Ass Hearts!!!

Pre-Halloween Cheeks

Halloween is helping to cheer me up, so I thought I'd cheer you all up too!

Happy Early Halloween!

2 Weeks. Confused Like a Mother Fucker!

Don't know what I'm going to do with my life and marriage but I'm so confused and horny.

Is it horrible that despite the shit that's going on in my life, I still wanna fuck?!

Maybe that's my coping mechanism but I find myself unreasonably horny right now!

Husbandly Affirmations

After toe curling sex this morning I broke down crying. Hubby asked what was wrong. And it hit me: I was scared. I didn't want to lose him. I realized why I didn't have much of a reaction while reading those emails, it never occurred to me that someone else could take him away from me until that moment.

While legs were still intertwined, a sheen of after sex sweat covered us both, and tears ran down my cheeks, he said:

"I'm not going anywhere...
No one is going to ever take me away from you...
The longer I'm with you, the more beautiful and sexy you get...
All the times you wanted me gone and I never left should tell you I'm committed to you and only you...
I love you and I never have and never will cheat on you...
I promise."

Admission of Guilt or Reassurance?

I Think My Husband Cheated On Me

The jury is still out. I found some emails of conversations between my husband and some chick from his old job. I wasn't being sneaky I had permission to use him email to send out resumes on his behalf and clean up his 5000+ full inbox (I'd been teasing him for years that I would do it, and he practically begged me to do it).

Anyway I found these emails from back in 2006 after we'd been married a few months and about to get our house. Long story short there were a lot of emails with her cursing him out about not being there for her and terms like "you got what you wanted from me", "I know we each have our significant others but", "I know I shouldn't have gotten feelings for you", "Don't worry about canceling on me %$@^@, I made other plans"...it was over the course of 6 emails and they were very long or I would've posted them.

I did, however, forward them all over to my best man friend for a MANpinion.  His assessment was that the girl was fucking crazy.  And she did sound like a nutjob constantly going off on him for a variety of infractions, mostly not spending time with him.

When I first read them on Saturday, I wasn't angry nor was I hurt, I just felt sick to my stomach.  I didn't have any rage, and therefore just sat on this information for 2 days before finally deciding to ask him about.  Mind you, I let him know on Saturday that I did clean out his inbox and that he should "really check what I left, in case there was anything important".  

Of course, he didn't catch the hint, and I asked him last night who the chick was.  Without hesitation, his eyes bugged out of his head, and he said, "That bitch is fucking crazy!"  He went on to explain that she was a friend from his old job that he used to go to lunch with on occasion but then she started "catching feelings" and acting awkward, so he told he couldn't be friends with her anymore. "PERIOD".  I questioned him a little more about some of the wording, and just as my friend told me, hubby explained that if I "read carefully" I would have seen the outlandish commentary came from her not him.

He hugged me and kissed me, and told me he felt terrible that I would even think that, and that he loved me more than words can say.  He apologized for me feeling cheated on but not to fear that he would never ever cheat on me.

I'm trying to figure out if my lack of anger or hurt is because I believe him or if maybe I'm in shock still at the thought.  I really don't know what to think and while we're in a really good place now, we weren't back in 2006.  I could say that at the end of the day he trusts me implicitly because I had and now have full access to his email and cellphone (all passwords), and he is not computer savvy on the tricks of hiding anything computer related.  Soooooo.....

*Sigh*

Oh, dirty birds, where art thou?

I'm getting cursed out left and right for not updating the nasty girl in me. Honestly, I don't know where she is! Am I sexin' it up with the hubby. Uh huh! Buuuuuut...my vagina is still not sexy.

My surgery was back in June, and hubby just finally went down on me this past weekend. I have not masturbated yet since the surgery...I KNOW!!! Me? Not pleasure myself?!?! WTF, right?

And I think that's why I haven't been doing the sexy blogging thing. I spend a lot of time touching my 6" scar. Some of it has no real sensation. I really just miss my old vagina.

My husband swears everything is fine, but most times after sex, the scar aches and throbs, but not in a good way.

Plus, part of me wonders if it's a side effect of the Cymbalta I'm taking. I haven't gone out of my way to initiate sex...imagine that? But once we get it on, the sex is great! Then once it's over, I'm good. I haven't asked for seconds in a minute!! (sure hubby's happy bout that!)

That is where I'm at. Sorry to disappoint, I'm hoping the throw on some filthy posts really soon (I know I keep saying that...don't give up on me, ok?)


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My Birthday Cleavage!!

HAPPY SPARKLY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!


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HNT - 1 + 1 = Boing!

+

(if you look real close to the left lip, you can almost see the missing link LOL)

Still got these results

=

HHNT EVERYBODY!

GO OUT AND FUCK SOMEBODY!!

Pussy Revealed

Here she is in all her scarred glory. I figured why start holding back now. I've shared all the good and the bad up to this point, right?

So without further hesitation...

This is a shot of the scar (it's the hairless portion of my lip)



Here's a close-up of why I'm still suffering, because of the incision location the wound just will not close. (hasn't stopped me from fucking though :-D) and the lower lip is still very much swollen.



Sigh. My poor vajajay.

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What Sexy Names Do We Have For Body Parts?

This one goes out to my girl and work partner:

She hates the word "Pussy", what other words can we give her for her naughty parts?

And what names do you all have for your nasty guy and girl parts?


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Question: First Time Sex?

From a good friend:

Been seeing this guy for 2 mos. 3 dates, 2 sleep overs and NO sex!

Is it ok for women to initiate "first time sex"? Subsequent sex yes, but sex for the 1st time? I'm getting mixed reviews and I say no.

Ok bloggers, what say you?! Let's help her out!

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I HAD SEX!!!

After 3 months of pain and suffering, lack of mojo and surgery, impatience and depression...I finally felt somewhat sexy enough to have some sweet, sweet loving from hubby. He has been trying really hard to make me believe that all is well with my vajajay and my overall sexiness.

Trying to get a good angle of my current state of vagina to show you all soon! But....

I'MMMMMMMMMM BACCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!

My VaJayJay is Deformed

Ok guys, here are some reasons why I've been MIA:
1. Been depressed for a while
2. Finally on Cymbalta and going back to solo therapy. Combo seems to be working
3. Haven't had sex in about 2 1/2 months.
4. Had a series of infections which doctors just say some women are more susceptible to get, ugh
5. Then I just had surgery to have my recurring sebaceous cysts removed from my coochie area
6. The incision is 6 inches long and there is a huge chunk of my vajayjay missing.

I'm still recovering. I spend a lot of time with my legs sprawled open not in a sexy way either. Even yesterday, I had to get out because it was so nice. So we pulled out the wheelchair from when I was preggers and went to a fair. Under any other circumstance it would have been sexy going out commando. However, not so much when it actually looks like a bomb went off between my legs.

Hubby's exact words were "I think that's the worst thing I've ever seen!" I thought about posting pics but ...I don't know. You guys have seen everything else right?

Well, I've definitely lost my mojo after the meds were actually working to bring it back. Sigh.

If you want to weigh in on how bad it looks let me know.


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150 FOLLOWERS!!

EVEN THOUGH I'VE BEEN AWAY DEALING WITH LIFE AND TRYING TO REFOCUS MY ENERGY ON FIXING THE INNER ME...I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE THAT I'VE GOTTEN 150 FOLLOWERS!

THANKS GUYS!!

HOPE TO HIT YOU WITH THE NEW NASTY ME...AND MY JOURNEY IN A FEW...PLEASE BE PATIENT!

LOVE YA!!

Feeling Cheeky

Looking like a big black peach... Anyone care to take a bite?


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Ass (by request)

Left cheek...


Right cheek...



Both...


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HNT - Real Skin Party Pics...Kinda Cheered Me Up a Bit

Photos by EricG

Thoughts?

My Apologies...

Hope you guys didn't mind my rant. If so, here's a token of my appreciation







Still crying, but have to find something to cheer me up, right? I looked good last weekend...

...thereishopethereishopethereishopethereishope!!!!

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FUCK

Motherfuckingcocksuckingassholemotherofawhorebastardassselfishprickpissingmeofftonoendmakingmecomfortableonlytoconfusethefuckoutofmeastowhethericankeepupthisbackandforthhappydepressedbullshitofamarriageineedafuckingbreakorimgoingtofuckingpostalonhisfuckingignorantass...

...thought that would make me feel better but it didn't. Tired of my yoyo marriage? Me too, spend a fucking week in my shoes. Two steps forward and fifty steps back.

I'm starting my own therapy tomorrow. Maybe it is all me. Maybe I am the problem.


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Museum of Sex, Dinner, and First Skin Party Equals...

...Hot make out session at Skin Party

...extremely hot photo shoot at Skin Party

...being thrown into a NYC driveway and tongued down with a hand up my skirt

...a blow job for him while driving

...a hand job for me while driving

...stopping on the side of a deserted NYC street to make out in the car

...fucking in front of our house in the car with me on top and the car door open

...having crazy ripped up fishnet stocking sex till the wee hours of the morning

That's how I plan a date night! Let's see if this inspires more creativity from him. He was very pleased with my aggressive behavior.

Fucked him good...

...now I'm getting breakfast in bed! That's how you do it!

Although, he fucked me so hard I'm practically in traction! My back is all fucked up!

But alas the pussy is smiling!

I'm trying to approach my marriage the same way I approached my last pregnancy... Before I got pregnant, I started acting and treating my body as if I was already preggers. Now I'm trying to act as if my marriage is well and it's just the way I want it already.

Basically, I'm being a whole lot more positive which is one of the things he asked of me: appreciate the small things and be patient for the big things.

We'll see!


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Where Do I Rank?

This morning hubby asked the question, "where do I rank with all of your past lovers?"

I thought long and hard about how to correctly and politically answer this question.

I told him that the things I've asked him to work on (spontaneity, variety, open-mindedness) are what puts others before him, but that our actual sex is pretty good.

Did I answer the question best? How would you or have you answered this type of question?


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2011 Sexual Bucket List

More from couple's home therapy (we have yet to discuss sex with the new therapist)

...here's this year's updated Sexual Bucket List: (basically all the different places and ways I'd like to have sex)

1. Elevator
2. plane
3. Sex party
4. 3some for me
5. 3some for him
6. waterfall
7. open meadow
8. subway
9. in the rain
10. blow up doll
11. on a bar during happy hour
12. in my school - on my desk or in my classroom
13. in a firehouse
14. roped and gagged
15. latex'd

I'm sure I'm missing some but wanted to get the list out before Hubby wakes up to go to work.

3some Debate

Hubby and I have been having some really lengthy conversations about my wants and desires, and I continue to shock and astound him at the things that would make and keep me satisfied in the bedroom. Suffice it to say that my 3some fantasy has pretty much consumed every one of these discussions.

He is under the belief that if he were to ever give in to my request that:

1. He would be emasculated
2. I wouldn't be satisfied with just one time
3. I would look at him differently
4. He would never look at me the same

To #2 I came back with, " Isn't it better to have fucked, than never to have fucked at all? At least I can say that my fantasy was fulfilled and it was fulfilled with my husband, as opposed to still aching for it in my old age."

I'm curious, how many of you have engaged in the a 3some while in a serious relationship (either guy-guy-girl or girl-girl-guy)? How did it work for you? Were there any ramifications? Any regrets? Was it only one time or multiple? Did you enjoy it?

Please put some of my fantasy into real life perspective. Thanks.

Happy HNT: Anybody need a REF??

This was my V-Day gift to hubby. Matching Referee outfits. We got a night off from the kids so we put them on, played a foreplay card game, and he got me totally drunk on a bottle of Nuvo. It was great. This morning I got breakfast made, and the opportunity to do school work while he cleaned house. I am so enjoying his making up to me!!

Details soon cum!

Holy Hot Shit Review: Sex Therapy

Got myself this lovely little number and was planning on having some fun solo time in my car when hubby decided he would break my "NO SEX DURING THERAPY" rule. Why did I the sex addict make such a ridiculous request? Few reasons:

1. Sex is the bandaid to the broken arm...get it? Temporary fix

2. By insisting on such a ridiculous rule, maybe he would do the opposite

3. I didn't want it to sway my feelings of anger that I felt entitled to!

Anyhoo, back to my using my new toy from the Adult Toy Shoppe! I came home on Friday and he decided to share his solo therapy session where he talked about our intimacy issues and lack thereof. Gasp! I couldn't believe it. After a long discussion of his wanting to know what needs did I feel he was not taking care of. In a nutshell, I told him that he's a selfish lover. That he always has to have a happy ending for himself, that he's never been the type of lover to just give me head and walk away, or give me hand job and leave me breathless.

After that I went to take a shower, he decided to join me. Boring. He literally just joined me in taking a shower. Nice. But now what I was looking for. Then he proceeded to go down on me for an entire hour!! That was record breaking for him, he usually just made me cum once and then he's enter me. Don't get me wrong. It was like Pussy Eating 101. I was giving tutorials the majority of the time.

He has to work on not using his entire lower half of his face to eat me out. Very irritating is his beard. Well, when he was getting ready to enter to me, I put the brakes on. "You have to masturbate in front of me first, if you want to fuck me." That threw him for a loop, but he agreed. Big things happening here folks!!

He got his dick oil out and I got my handy dandy Pocket Rocket Vibrator Travel Kit! I watched him stroke his dick with half lids as I used the middle attachment to get myself off. It was a delightful feeling. I held the little studded end on to my clit and worked it up and down my clit to the outskirts of my pussy walls. I was moaning and cumming as he jacked off squeezing my tits and watching me. He begged to gain access to my forbidden walls, and it wasn't until I had an orgasm so hard from the buzzing, the squeezing, the watching, the breathing that I forgot all about my damn rule and decided I deserved to be fucked proper. And I was...

...for 3 more hours!! I was exhausted, depleted, dehydrated, and almost needed a ambulance after hyperventilating! Imagine if the doctor asked "what brings your wife to the ER at 3am?"..."UM, I tried giving her sex therapy and it nearly killed her!"

Let his ass keep trying to kill me in the bed...thanks to my toy, I can now have flashbacks when I'm playing with myself in my car, work, the mall, doctor's office.

Rihanna - S&M

I MAY BE BAD...BUT I'M PERFECTLY GOOD AT IT!!!

Got my EXHALE on in Atlantic City!!

Went away last weekend (i.e. the Fuck Me shower scene HNT) to get away from the hubby and left him in charge of the kids. It was great! I got to gamble a little, got a spa treatment, ate some really fantastic food, and drank even better booze. I went with my cousins and they indulged my blogger tendencies with the following pics!

I even have some guest HNTs! Enjoy! I had a blast taking them!! There were wall to wall windows in our suite and of course I just had to strut around in front of them bucked ass naked in hopes that someone was jerking off at the sight of me!!

Crazy delicious fantasies ensued, and my lost mojo returned so hard I had to fight the urge to masturbate while they slept!!

What I Need...

Can you see what I need?


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This is how you do it HNT!

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Shocking Update!

He's going to individual counseling! What miracle caused this to happen, you say?

I sent him the following text message after he screamed at our daughter causing our last big blowout shortly following our marriage counseling:

"Honestly I think we should take some time apart while we go through therapy. I can't keep this up.
Maybe you should stay at your folks for a while!"

Hours later I got a lengthy apology and praise for wanting to protect our children even from him. That he finally sees how hurtful he's been.

I'm mildly hopeful. I'll believe it when he starts his own course to self-reflection.


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My Therapy Theme Song!

I hate going to new therapists! You have to start all over, rehash old shit, before you can get to the new shit, all the background information....When I want is for him to fucking LISTEN!!

This is our 4th, shit, maybe 5th attempt at fixing our marriage. He swears he bends to my every will and has no say. I say he's still living on single island and he doesn't give a shit about what I say. I say he talks and treats the kids like shit. He says he was raised where a child is to be seen and not heard...the list goes on and on.

But I think this will honestly be my last attempt. It's be 5 years of the same exhausting fights, but I will not stand by and what him be a tyrant to my kids. Even today he screamed at our 10 year old as she was trying to be cute in asking him to attend her school recital...but because she was asking in a roundabout 10 year old he said, "Don't ever ask me any stupid questions! That was a stupid question and I will not entertain such nonsense!" After whisper fighting for 10 minutes I got him to apologize to her...why do I have to keep doing that?

I'm looking into signing him up for some type of sensitivity training or counseling and add that to the ultimatum list...and by the by I did not wake his whack ass up for sex last night and he woke up all pissed off. OH-FUCKING-WELL!!

I know y'all want some T-N-A and once I get out of this marital fucking funk, I will get back to it. Just bare with me while I bare with his fucking ass.

Thanks.

You've Heard of Extreme Fighting...Well, Here's Extreme Fucking!!

Now this is VARIETY!!!

Hubby wants sex tonight...wanna know how he asked?

"Hey, so you got the all clear from your doctor, right? How bout you wake me up when the kids are asleep. I'm going to take a shower, ok?"

No comment.

Texting An Old Flame

*Sigh*

I have an itch my husband can't scratch and I may have started on a very, very slippery slope.

My ex has been on my mind a lot, and I mean, if I close my eyes just to take a breath images and sensations of him flood my senses. I need that complete sensory overload of knowing that someone gives a total shit about you. Unbridled passion and compassion.

*sigh*

So I texted him.

Long story way short: I asked him if he wanted to see me.

He's seeing someone, but said that he would never tell me "no".

Now...what?

Oh, No The Fuck He Didn't!!

I'm washing our son up in the shower, Sunday night is shower night and I wash his hair and we have a blast, right? Or so I thought.

Anyone who has kids knows sometimes they're ok with water on the face and sometimes they're not. The trick is to have quick distractions. I get to washing my son's hair and he likes to help but sometimes he forgets he has soap on his hands and will rub his eyes, he'll cry for a second while I rinse out the Johnson's then I get to the art form of distraction. Tonight was "Who do you love?" where I ask him about all the people (animals) that he loves.

We get through maybe 2 rubs of the eyes, I start to rinse his hair out, and tonight he decided he didn't like the water and did his cry thing. However, before I could continue the love quest, Mr. Asshole bursts into the bathroom screaming, "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING MY SON?! GOT HIM IN HERE EVERY NIGHT CRYING!" WTF!

It's winter idiot, he doesn't get a bath every night, but I'll play along, however, his outburst now sends our son's minor whimper into a full fledged meltdown!

I try to calmly explain that I know what I'm doing, our toddler is fine, he's making matters worse, and now letting the cold from the hallway into the bathroom. Do you know he had the nerve to say some shit like "But when I wash him up he doesn't cry!"?

First, let me remind everyone including him that the last time he gave our son a bath was about a year ago, OK?! So he is far from a fucking expert on bath time! He wants to now make this a good time to tell ME that I must be doing something wrong. I basically said, "Hey, if you think you can do a better job of not only giving our 2 year old a bath, but wash his very temperamental hair too, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT! If not, get out of the doorway, our son is getting cold!!"

Strange, he didn't decide to show me how it's done though! After, as I'm trying to get him dressed for bed, Ding Dong continues his rant about he should be able to have a say if he doesn't like how I'm handling his son. Really?! You would have a say if you lifted one fucking finger to take care of our son! I told him that him running into the bathroom to correct my bathtime routine would be as asinine as me running into the garage and telling him he's fixing his car wrong.

My list for therapy is getting longer and longer...

Can toddlers sense when something is wrong with mommy and daddy? It took everything I had not to burst into tears after this happened today. It's not like we're not talking or even fighting right now, but still...

As I'm carrying my son to take his bath we cross paths with hubby and this is the dialogue that ensued:

Son: Daddy shum here (he then puts one arm around my neck and one around daddy's neck

Hubby: Yes

Son: (looks at Daddy) Daddy an' Mommy (looks at me) frenz

Confused Daddy look

Me: Daddy and mommy are friends

Son: Yes, Mommy. (Looking at daddy) Daddy shuddle wif Mommy

Me: He wants you to cuddle with me

Son: *sigh* yes mommy (as if he was frustrated that I'm translating). Daddy you shuddle mommy right now. Daddy an' Mommy frenz.

Hubby: Ok, I'm friends with mommy. We'll cuddle later.

Son: Good job, daddy, good job!

We have an appointment with a new therapist on Tuesday next week. I have to work on my list of issues so I don't get frustrated in session and not get everything out.

Happy Pity Party, I Mean, New Year!

My husband is back in asshole mode. He's been there for quite some time now. Let's count the ways:
1. Ignored our son the day after missing his birthday to play video games
2. Bought a brand fucking new 55" flat screen TV for himself for Christmas but we can't pay this months mortgage because HE deserves it.
3. Had me get a family friendly game for all of us for Christmas and has been promising our daughter all week that we'd play together but what is he doing instead right now while I type this? Playing his fucking game with his online buddies.
4. Has told me in so many words when I say I'm unhappy with the state of our marriage and how he treats myself and the kids - "you'll get over it".
5. We're supposed to start back at therapy but part of me really wants to know what's the point? It's been five years and I don't know how much more of him emotionally hurting me and the kids that I can stand.

I am just so unhappy when I come home knowing he's there. I find myself being thrilled when he decides to take double night shifts or just sleep at work.

When I tell him that our daughter now tells me that "Daddy cares more about his video games than he does me". He just says that shes supersensitive and he's working on it. How is a 10 year old supposed to get that?

It is taking every ounce of willpower in me every day not to take that fucking PS3 and drive my car over it about a hundred times.

Sorry for the pity party and it's only the 2nd day of the year.



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