Fucking Toys - Yay & OUCH!

Now I've read plenty of blogs with critiques of sex toys but never wagered my own opinion since I never really had anything to make me say WHOA or YIKES until now. With my birthday last week I ordered some toys, and I mentioned this in my birthday post. I primarily purchase my toys from Adam & Eve and up until now have had nothing to complain about. I bought the My First Jack Rabbit Vibrator after reading reviews for hours and the Real Skin Whopper Dildo.
Now my pussy is not very picky and neither is my clit, shit in a heated horny moment a water bottle will do the trick...but I digress. I was so eager on my birthday to use the jackrabbit after the big hubby let down that I couldn't wait for him to go to work so I could try it. THAT SHIT ACTUALLY HURT!!! First of all, the noise level is CRAZY! I put it on my bed, closed the door, walked all the way into the living room, and half way up the stairs and I could still hear the fucking thing. It sounded like an old rusty airplane about to take off. Fine, I said, I'll just have to make sure the kids are really asleep to use it. Then I put in all wet from the sheer excitement that comes from having a new toy watching the rotating beads go to work...it was as if some alien life form was trying to claw its way out of my puss! Ok, I thought, let's just try it with the vibrator...what a let down, the little jack rabbit doesn't fit nicely over the clit so I had to really shove it into my pussy to feel jack shit. Needless to say, I wrote A&E a scathing letter of complaint since I have been a customer for years, and I await their response.
On the flip side...I'm literally giggling, the Whopper is FUCKING AWESOME!!! I just finished telling a friend of mine that I've already stuck it to every wall in my bedroom, the armoire, the dresser and my head board!!!!! I love this thing! When I complained that I would love to cowgirl it but trying it on my hardwood floors was near impossible, he was like "duh, have you tried a chair?!" Guess what I'm doing tonight???????